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making the right decision

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  • August 3, 2015 at 5:41 pm #81155
    hsscan
    Participant

    I lived with my husband 18 months in a 4 year marriage. The marriage was in a different country through a very short courtship and I left everything, everyone believing the man married me for me. It was a very abusive relationship. Not the abuse that can be seen with obvious bruises. It was emotional verbal mental cruelty, threats to my brothers well being, financial control with not a dollar with me or a credit card. The only Phone to be used was his, with every conversation with my family and friends to be had in his presence. There was social isolation, potrayal of me being a terrible person to his friends and acquaintances who had a negative image of me before they even met me. There was no introduction to his office colleagues or his brother who was settled in the same country. There was constant talks of his ex girlfriends, comparisons, I caught him having multiple facebook accounts going online chatting with women. For the first 7 months I was too baffled, ashamed and too heartbroken to stand up to him or let anyone know what is happening. I was a well educated professional in my country, independent happy, trusting with close friends.
    I worked through all the exams and the interviews in this new country and when choosing a province chose one province as far away from him as possible. The 2nd mistake. I chose a very hostile working and living place and found that he was the only person I knew in this vast country. Being so so alone for the past 2 years made me scared, miserable, helpless, hopeless. Being married and single turned to be worse than being single. I had opted for counselling in my first year alone and had learnt to not blame myself, or think of myself as ugly unlovable inferior human being. But with the work situation she told me to move to the same province I came from. I have set the transfer process in motion. But I am so scared to make another mistake. I am losing sleep, unable to concentrate on studies or work. Fearing if I am getting myself in a hell hole again. I though have learnt to stand up for myself, I cant put up daily battles or watch my back constantly. And I dont want to be alone either. How does one know if they are making a right decision/

    August 3, 2015 at 6:47 pm #81157
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear hasscan:

    I don’t understand the decision you need to make. Can you state it clearly as in: I need to choose between (option A) and (option B)..?
    anita

    August 4, 2015 at 7:44 pm #81242
    Marija
    Participant

    I had a boyfriend last year, I loved him so much, everything was special, we were like yin and yang, so similar yet so opposite. But, he made some things I can’t forgive. My 2 friends, but not real friends were his ex girlfriends, they two were best friends. When he was out with me, my friends were also there. I touched his pocket from jacket unintentionally and he went mad. After that, he took one of his exes aside and took ganja from the pocket so they can smoke. Some 20mins after that, they began to smoke, after that they called me to. Anyway, we broke up from another reasons, but the real one was this one. I loved him after the broke up too, but I wanted to win, so after 7 months we were going out again, but I cut it out after some week. He said that he want to be with me, that we finnaly can succeed, but he didn’t said that he love me, I waited to say that, I told him that I love him, but nothing. We stayed friends, but everytime we talked he said to me that I’m afraid of him, that all is his fault, that he’s changed, he want to be with me for whole life and when we finally agreed to go out, he acused me that I like his friend and like the profile pic of his ex, but this time the other one (they were 2 my friends). After that I forbade him to talk with me or say to someone that he actually know me. I contacted with his friend (who actually I don’t like him at all) but my ex writed from his facebook sometimes. I wanted to be together with him again, I loved him after all, but after the summer holiday in camp, I don’t love him anymore.
    I don’t know what to do, the chanses to be together is big, he does everything to make some contact with me, I still shake when I see him or hear about him, he’s still my thrill, but I hate him on the other side. I’m in my town this month, after that I’ll go to study to the other, but our country is small, we all know each other from the other towns. So, I thoughted, what would be better, to be with him again so my love and life energy go back to me, or to live without him, look for another love in this world without love, living without that life energy I possesed 18 years of my life, but stopped to feel one year ago til now and search for some new energy and love to feel?

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