September 19, 2017 at 6:57 pm #169405
Hey, so my partner and I are going through a really rough patch. They’re pulling away, going through enormous changes with their career. We’ve been married just one year. We’ve had ups and downs, but we’ve been working through them. I thought things were getting better. A few weeks ago, they came home and said they wanted to end our marriage. I convinced them to stay for now, and we’re going to work through it, but they say they don’t want to do any emotional work. They need space and they’re angry at me for not making emotional space for them in our relationship. I want to make our marriage work, but I’m having a really hard time accepting all the space they need right now. We still live together, but any time I try to broach the subject of our future together- even if things are going well- they explode. I’ve talked to my therapist, and she pointed out that if I really want to work on our marriage I have to stick around, and not talk to my partner about how I’m feeling for a little while so that they get the emotional space they need. I guess I’m asking for any advice on how to self care? I’m having such a hard time right now. I don’t really speak to my family, but I have a good network of friends. My work life is great. I just go down a worry hole sometimes and wonder if my partner is having an affair, or sometimes I worry that even if I stick around, it won’t work, and all the time I’ve put into hoping for the best will be time I could have spent moving on. I’m lost in emotions ranging from exhaustion to anger and sadness. Thoughts appreciated.September 20, 2017 at 4:27 am #169441
I read your post here as well as your reply to the other thread. Your partner stated to you that she needs space and she is angry at you for not “making emotional space” for her in the relationship.
Here is a scenario: she comes home from work and right away you start talking to her about how you feel dissatisfied in the relationship, you talk on and on, and she doesn’t get a chance to unwind from her day, to have some alone, private time. In that case, if it happened often, makes her request for emotional space very reasonable.
In other scenarios she has plenty of alone time in the relationship, you talk when both are available and willing … but she is not willing, explodes whenever you want to talk, however rarely.
Can you give more details about the interactions with her in this regard?