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Married to an emotionally unavailable man

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  • #377055
    Ilyana
    Participant

    I have been married for 10 years, and we have one child who is 9. My husband grew up in an environment in which feelings were not acceptable, and so he never learned how to identify his own feelings, let alone be empathetic to those of someone else. I feel so alone so much of the time. He gets angry often and is completely baffled by my need for emotional support. We have very little in common, and I don’t feel like he gets me at all. I definitely do not give myself love and support, so I don’t think I can expect him to. At the same time, I don’t know how I can get better without getting emotional support from my partner. I know it’s not his fault, and I’ve spent enough time with his family to understand that there is some seriously dark history that led him to where he is today. But I don’t know how much longer I can live with feeling as alone as I do. I desperately want our relationship to work, but when I imagine a future in which I am happy, I can’t imagine being in a relationship like the one I’m in. I know that if I do the work to get better on my own, I might feel differently. I would not want to make any big decisions while I’m as depressed as I currently am. But I’m scared for the future, for our future. I just wanted to share and see if others have gone through anything similar. Thanks for reading.

    #377215
    Dany
    Participant

    Hello Ilyana,

    Thanks for sharing your story. I have been married for 17 years to an unemotional wife. We have two boys 14 and 12.

    Since 1 year and a half, I decided to be separated. I cannot handle it anymore, I was always lonely with emotional hunger… It was very difficult and painful and still, it is, especially that we need to see each other on occasions and from time to time, to save our children’s mental healt.

    I deserve to be fully loved! We live once! I am not responsible fr the mental health of my partner as long as she or he doesn’t make any efforts initially to save our relationship.

    I am much happier by now…

    DN

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