I fear getting close to people physically. For example I will not allow myself to be in a relationship for fear of rejection. I even consider myself asexual but not for lack of sexual fantasies but because I just fear rejection too much. Im scared that I will repulse people specially right now that I have Body Dysmorphic Disorder and in turn depression and an anxiety disorder. I believe these mental health issues have taken a toll on my body as well.

I have developed a skin condition in my scalp. I think is Psoriasis and somehow it has also made my hair extremely greasy and frizzy. I take hours to get ready and to fix my hair, even a bit so it doesn’t look as awful. Despite my efforts, it looks disgusting and Im always afraid and almost sure that people do notice it. So I try to hide it.

I have also developed halitosis (chronic bad breath) it’s really bad. So Im always chewing gum, drowning in mouth wash and just keeping away from people. I never get too close or let them near my mouth so they won’t smell me.

I just can’t make an effort. It takes too much energy that I don’t have. I dress so poorly and my posture is even worse (slouching and I don’t even have the energy to tuck in my stomach).

Im just so paranoid that I smell bc I feel like my digestion is crap… I feel like Im rotting inside.

I also sweat like crazy.