I just feel like my life is a mess. When I was in high school I was the perfect girl everywhere, good student, daughter, girlfriend, religious but I was so shy I can barely make friends, express my feelings or stand up on class to say something because anxiety always beside me. I went college, and at that time I was on therapy and I noticed that I have always been who everybody wanted me to be. So, in my second year of college when I broke up with my boyfriend I just turned the otherwise. I become irresponsible, rebel, alcoholic and feel so confused about who I am & what I want, but always in silence, smilling like everything was ok. I was trying to show up everybody I can have every guy I wanted just because I thinked they will see me like a strong, intelligent, beautiful and beautiful person, even I felt the other way.

I ended college feeling guilty about my grades and so scared of what was coming next. I messed up on my graduation party I was so drunk I can’t remember almost anything, all I know is i was crying and yelling at my mother and obviously all my friends saw that.

I graduated college almost a year ago (may 2013) and until today I haven´t find a job because I’m not motivated and also I´m scared of failing, of not being enough . I feel so unhappy, I spend all day long on my home and I can see my life passing by in front of me, its so sad I feel so powerless.

I´m tired of searching a way to overcome this, I tried therapy, yoga, books, I almost changed of career when I was in college (to psychology) just to find a way out of this mess. I feel so ashamed of what I have done, I feel worthless, sad. I´m always so anxious of talking about my feelings I have never told anybody about this, and sometimes I feel lonely I just want a hug, but even that I can ask for.