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messing up a great opportunity

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  • #49081
    Rosie
    Participant

    I’ve been looking for another job for about 4 months now. I’ve had plenty of interest and have gotten close now 4 different times but no offer yet. There is still a lot of competition out there! For one job, I was one of three top candidates and was told that 100 people applied for it!

    what I’m writing about now is that I think I screwed up a great opportunity yesterday. This is a place I have always wanted to work and I’ve now interviewed there three times over the course of about 20 years. This job felt perfect for me too. I have a habit of beating myself up over the things I perceived that I did wrong. but this one that awakened me at 3:00 a.m. is really bumming me out. I suspect they won’t be calling me back and I am heartsick 🙁 I know the cliche “there’s another one out there just waiting for you”. Right. I so want to believe that but right now I’m feeling just sick to my stomach.

    True, I don’t know for a fact that I did actually screw up. One of my faults is that I create things in my head that never come to pass. While I hope this is the case with this great opportunity, I have a hunch I am right. sometimes my hunches are accurate. I’m just writing to vent and hope someone has words of wisdom to share.

    feeling heartsick in the middle of the night 🙁

    #49085
    sweetglow
    Participant

    I hope you’re proven wrong but even if you’re not, I get the impression from this topic that you’re extremely hard working and driven and you should be proud of this. I empathise where you’re coming from, especially in situations where you feel the job is so ‘right’ for you and that, in a sense, it was meant for you and it’d be wrong for you to not have it. Any suffering we endure is there to teach us a lesson so if you feel that you fundamentally messed up, use it to make you stronger and more driven and to overcome the hurdle that your perceived error put in your way. Try to stay present. You don’t know the outcome yet so, until you know, it’s not relevant to the present moment. If you conduct an interview whilst all the while having a mental conversation with yourself that keeps repeating ‘i’m not going to get this job. I’m going to mess up this interview’, then it’s likely you will project this lack of confidence. Anyway, good luck and I hope soon you get the job you love and deserve 🙂

    #49091
    Asmallhope
    Participant

    Hello Rosey,

    Hunches can be right, but what matters is that you realize that the issue is in your mind and in your self. Once you go about changing these things, you will attract the best job for you. Its all about the choices you make from now on. I’ve often gotten angry, upset and saddened by the way I perceived I was being treated. The result was the I dwelt on it the less effective I was in whatever I did. The less energy I had for improving myself, the less energy I had for helping others and volunteering. What can you give to someone else when you are running on empty? Try to thing of your negative feelings as things of the past, even if they only occured a minute ago. If you take away its present nature of the feeling you can take away some of the power it has over you.

    Also, Im going to disagree with Lizzie here and say that you shouldnt think about the “job you love and deserve” right now because your mind is in the dumps now and whatever you’d attract in this state won’t be good for you in the long term. The first thing you should do is Dispell the illusions. Look at the reality for what it is. Then acknowledge that you can change reality but its an ongoing process that involves work. The first step is letting of the past and all that was created there. (That means letting go of the hope of that job because its already in the past) Think about what would feel good for you in the present moment. You maybe feeling fear and anger about the job, but be aware that the words that come out of your mouth and the thoughts that come from a place of fear and anger are not the truth. The anger is just passing through and will soon be gone. Don’t get stuck in that place as it will make you weaker and give you less energy to accomplish your goals. I believe at our roots, we all want to do good things, right things, but we get lost. Whether, you’ve been lost for 1 year, 5 years or 10 years, you can see a dramatic change in your life and become a completely different person. Just make a commitment to yourself, as I did right now, that ” I am going to change my character and my life for the better, starting this moment”. Anything that’s holding you back, let it go.

    Counter thoughts of “Im lazy”, with “I’ve bought into this belief that I am lazy and started acting like it. I accomplished [this] and at [that time] and this shows that I can excel at something and handle many tasks at the same time”. What is making you so afraid that you feel paralyzed or that you prefer doing “nothing”? Identify the underlying thought that is causing you to act in a way that is “lazy” and let it go. After you’ve removed that underlying thought (even if its been there for 10 years), being active will come naturally to you. Counter thoughts of “someone hates me and is out to get me” with “this is an illusion I have created within my own mind. My own thoughts of bitterness and fear have created these false beliefs. If I let go of my own anger, hatred and fear, these attributes will disappear from others. ” Be honest with any bitterness and hatred you have within yourself. Many, including me, are embarrassed to acknowledge that exists within themselves, but if its around you, its most likely within you. Acknowledge it and let it go. Counter thoughts of “I’m not good enough”, with thoughts that “I, just like every other human being is given excellent raw material and I can choose to make myself better.”

    Decide what you want. What would bring you peace right now if you felt no pressure, no fear or psychological influence from anyone else. Sometimes, we are often implanted with other people’s ideas of what we should be and what we should want. Do you feel that wanting what you want makes you selfish? Do you feel that your dream is not socially acceptable? Have people close to you in the past disapproved of your dream? If that’s the case, acknowledge that you may have been influenced and are not 100% certain of what you want. Keep in mind that if you are a human being, you have desire. If you have no motivation, something in your mind is obstructing your desires.

    Give yourself a limited amount of time to ask and answer these questions, a day, a week (I’ve often sat too long with a problem [a year] and ended up falling back into old habits). Then move forward.

    #49184
    Rosie
    Participant

    thank you Lizzie and Asmallhope for your replies. I actually got back to sleep and when I woke up I decided that I did my best at that interview, and if I am not chosen to return, then it wasn’t meant to be and there will be something else coming. I was actually THE most relaxed in that interview than any other so far. so I wasn’t thinking things like “I’m not going to get this job” so, yay! and I have been working on many of the things you touched upon Asmallhope. but I do slip and fall back into my old habits, like when I wrote the above post. and you sound much like the book I read last year “the untethered soul”. I think I need to read it again. I get it, but as I say, hard to break old habits.

    thanks again, I really appreciate the responses!

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Rosie.
    #50063
    Rosie
    Participant

    I still don’t know for sure but I saw the job reposted yesterday 🙁 I guess it wasn’t meant to be and they do NOT deserve my fabulous talents!!

    meanwhile……..at my current job…something I have never seen in all my working life (going on 30 years….), something pretty disturbing. I work for a very large, global company that apparently doesn’t care enough to have a good IT department. Last week I noticed some files on the network had disappeared. I called the help desk and got a rookie. I say that because I asked about the possibility of restoring the files from the previous day’s backup and was told “I’m sorry, that is not possible.” WHAT???? A company this large doesn’t have backups?? I didn’t panic because I knew the guy was wrong. Here we are a week later and the “hemorrhaging” continues with NO END IN SIGHT!! and there is ZERO leadership. I have been working at home this week so I don’t get to hear the voices at work at all. I feel left in the dark. that’s the least of the troubles but it’s a HUGE reason I want to get the H#LL out of this place!! Please God, haven’t I suffered enough???

    The “idiot” IT guy restores the files, they disappear. He re-restores them, they disappear again. there was one folder I was heartsick over because it contained many complicated files that I am not sure I could recreate. Well, he managed to restore it from a month ago and I grabbed those files and saved them to my hard drive for WHEN they disappear again! I can’t believe a company this size doesn’t have security in place to prevent this from happening, first of all. and secondly, why is noone helping this “idiot” IT guy???? where is the leadership???? why has there been NO COMMUNICATION to the rest of our department??? I’ll tell you why. Because this place sucks. I want out so badly now. It wasn’t bad enough before?? now it’s 1000000000 times worse!!

    I am up in the middle of the night again not able to sleep. wondering how long I have to look for another job before I can leave this hell hole. Please God, let it end soon. I am not sure how much more I can take. Truly.

    #50065
    Rosie
    Participant

    okay, I logged in at work and see that at least the head of our dept. has gotten involved. unbelievable, again, for such a large company…..it is beyond belief that this is happening.

    #50771
    Cat Lover
    Participant

    Rosie,

    please remember that you shouldn’t get these things at work get to you. I realize you spend a lot of time in the company, but don’t let your life be about that only. Focus on the really important things, like your relationship with yourself, with others, the things you love… fill your life with pleasure outside work, and then work won’t seem too overwhelming.

    In the job offer case, remember that God has it all figured out for us. Wait in patience and in faith, He is doing what’s best for you now even if it doesn’t seem right or fair. You are learning to deal with things and becoming stronger, and that’s a gift. Value this and keep your hopes up because you never know what tomorrow may bring. You will be fine 🙂

    #52216
    Rosie
    Participant

    Hi Cat Lover! (love your name btw) I know you are right and these past few weeks have really taught me plenty!! because my manager decided to do all the budget set up on her own (I offered to help 3 times) it has caused me to be behind. this is something I never like, ever. but I decided that it does not matter. one thing I do like about my manager is that she is so easy going and flexible and NEVER gets mad. I think she got irritated with me once that I know of in the almost one year since I’ve worked there. I think this job and situation are actually helping me realize exactly what you wrote. work should not be so overwhelming. and I refuse to put in the gobs of hours that my manager does. sure, I’ll put in a little extra time to meet a deadline but anything over 45 hours in one week is just too much.

    funny that I hadn’t seen your reply until now. Here’s the rest of the story on this job I thought was “perfect” for me. I followed up two weeks after I interviewed: no reply. I followed up two weeks after that and only got this “a hiring decision has not been made yet.” No greeting, no salutation, just that sentence. then I logged in to apply for another job there and what did I see? “position filled”. Wow. I think I’m VERY glad I did not get that position!! This is how they treat potential new employees? Not even a note to say “thanks for your time”. I’m stunned. While I do know that not every place does this, this was the HR department. um, no thanks. not interested.

    I also know that if you don’t like going to the place that you work, it is worth it to put in the time to find something you will like better. I know there is no perfect job, but there has to be something better than this. thank you so much for your reply. I truly appreciate it.

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