Dear helpless:

You wrote above: “I went from being independent and strong to feeling the need of someone”- this is the “dragged back” (in the title of your thread) part of your struggle. You started life as a helpless child needing the help of your parents, looking up to your parents as the strong and capable ones, capable of protecting you and taking care of you. Then you grew up and gained some sense of independence and strength. Sometime in the relationship with this man you were… dragged back to being a child and this is where you are now.

This is attachment (title of thread)- you are attached to him in a similar way that you were attached to your parent/s. You feel “helpless” (your username), like a child.

Best for you is to move forward again, to being the strong, capable adult that you were and can be again. Move forward to being able to help yourself.

If you don’t move forward, and instead remain in this helpless child phase, you will experience more and more misery because you are not, after all, a child and this man is not your parent. He was not even a good partner. He hurt you repeatedly by flirting with other women. He helped you sometimes and hurt you at other times. If you went back with him, you wouldn’t be able to trust him. You will not know when he will flirt with other women and when he will turn cold to you. It will not be a good situation for you.

Help yourself now, take care of yourself. This is the only way that will bring you a peace of mind. I sincerely believe it is not him that you need, it is help that you need, and it is you best capable and willing to help yourself. So, please do!

anita

Dear helpless:

“need t focus o forgetting and moving on”- forget only the make believe, the delusions, what was not real, and remember what was real, so that you learn from the experience and have better chances for a better future for yourself.

anita