Mutual friends and interests after a breakup

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    My boyfriend broke up with me about six weeks ago after our year long relationship. I can’t say I understand why, and I can’t say I’ve had an easy time of it. I feel like I’ve been making progress, but lately I find myself grieving for what we had in common.

    My ex and I work in the same field and have a lot in common. We attend the same meetups and professional groups. We live in the same area and enjoy many of the same bars and restaurants. The break has been a clean one (I haven’t seen or heard from him), but I’ve also stopped going to some of the events I love and stopped doing some of the things I love because it reminds of him so much. How can I add these things back into to my life? Will it just take time?

    We also had a ton of mutual friends, and I feel like I’ve lost or neglected some of them, too. Seeing or hearing from certain people, even though I know they truly care, hurts so much. The only thing I want is to ask about my ex, and I almost feel like I have to make a clean break from them, too.

    Even though I hold very little malice towards my ex, I’m filled with dread about bumping into him for the first time (which is inevitable). I feel like I’ll shatter into a million pieces and break down right there. I’m ashamed of this because a major problem was that I had assigned a lot more meaning to the relationship than he did. Thanks for your thoughts.


    You know I was really hoping someone else would respond to this because I am in a similar situation as you. I have told myself that I shouldn’t stop going to events due to the possibility of him being there. I have also realized that I need to give myself some time as well and not attend the meetups just yet. I have accepted that there will be some awkwardness at first, and that hopefully this will pass in due time.

    Best of luck to you! I know this is hard and not a comfortable feeling.


    It’s a pretty recent breakup and I think you are handling things fine. If you are emotionally raw still, I think it is fine to not go to the events and to spend time with friends that were NOT mutual. Don’t do it indefinitely, of course. But I think you know that. It’s okay to be delicate right now; it’s okay to handle yourself with kid gloves for a while. Heartache hurts. Be gentle with yourself. Be compassionate with yourself. I think you’ll be just fine.

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