My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now. He has always been a great guy, until he hasn’t been. He is always attentive, generous, and I sued to believe, honest and faithful.

We had been having some issues for a few months because I asked to cut back on smoking (weed) habit. I never asked him to quit because I acknowledge that he enjoys it but it was excessive, to the point to where he had to smoke first before we had sex. We were living together and I felt maybe I could establish some boundaries so that we could both be comfortable. Anyways, he cut way back and we decided he’d abstain for a few months to lower his tolerance. He did, (with one relapse that he declined to tell me abouy) but he constantly seemed to be beating me over the head about cutting back. I was getting tired of it, so rather than be the bad guy and ask him to do something he didn’t want to, I told him I would remove myself from the picture so he could be himself and not have to stress.I told him to start smoking again and we would give the relationship 3 weeks to see if there could be any way I could just get over the smell and the annoyance of it and just be happy. If not I’d chalk it up to incompability and I’d leave.

I had assumed he was fine with the situation and left it at that. He did not take it very well. He went to a strip club and got super drunk and spent about 400-500. 100 on stage dances and 400 on the VIP room and a bottle of champagne which itself cost like 150 or so. He told me the very next day. He told me he went that he had to be taken home and that he pissed himself. He told me about the lap dance but tried to cover up his hickies with makeup. I was devastated. We fought and argued and I kind of hated him for a long time. I should have left then. I later found out that he trickle truthed me when he admitted that he touched her ass for a brief moment when I asked him if he had touched her. He says he was black out so he does not know about the hickies.

Since then he has been trying to prove he is trustworthy and that he ed up. He admits all wrong, has put up with my bad attitude, has gone to therapy, has apologized over and over, cut back on drinking majorly, went back to school, admits that he has an issue with selfishness, so on and so on.

But, in the 5 months since this has happened he has still messed up some and it’s making it very very hard to trust again. I have nightmares about him cheating or going off whenever he gets upset at me. In the 5 months I caught him looking at girls on FB and asked him to please just not do it so I can have some space to heal and trust him. I caught him doing it a second time about a month later. I also asked him not to hide from me when he smokes (he’s deciding to abstain until July) because it’s just weed and I want to practice full transparency, but he hid it from me a second time and I found out.

I just don’t understand this behavior. He does what I have asked of him, has confessed more or less, but even those tiny things make me feel he is untrustworthy and will do it again. I should mention he has had a string of dysfunctional and abusive (the woman abused him severely) relationships in his past so I recognize him going out to the clubs and avoiding conflicts by looking at fb girls is his way of dealing with his issues but it is still at my expense.

Should I give him another chance? He seems to be trying really hard but even with these two things I don’t know if it will ever stop with him, and my anxiety is physically making me sick. I should mention we agreed that strip clubs were cheating and he did too. I didn’t just get mad about this out of thin air. The betrayal is what bothers me most, coupled with the minimal trickle truthing and overall disregard for my boundaries.