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My dream boyfriend changed all of a sudden

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  • May 14, 2018 at 3:54 am #207185
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Happi:

    Your mental health should be your first priority. Reads to me that this man, this relationship has not benefited your mental health, that it has aggravated it, increasing your anxiety.

    This man and this relationship is bad for your mental health:

    Before: “when I needed him the most, he just turned his back… he didn’t even want to help me when I was depressed. This is what gave me palpitations..”

    Now: “he wouldn’t stop talking with her… I just woke up with a panic attack and my heart thumping very fast”-

    if he stopped talking to her, it would have helped you, you would have known he is on your side. You didn’t ask him to stop talking to a family member whom he has known all his life. You asked him to stop talking to a woman he met after he met you and with whom he had physical intimacy with. It would be reasonable for him to stop talking to her so to help you.

    My point is, reads to me he is bad for your mental health. Therefore it is a bad idea to continue to have him in your life.

    anita

     

     

     

    May 23, 2018 at 1:48 am #208899
    Happi
    Participant

    He’s trying to change. Hes a better person today, to speak objectively. He says sorry whenever he is wrong. I am talking very very less with him these days. He promises to be a very good partner and be up to my expectations. He’ s become patient now. I don’t reciprocate when he says “I love you” because I’m still angry and full of pain on the inside. I how hoe hurtful it is to not be reciprocated. But I trying to not be easy for weeks now.

     

    What still bothers me is that he chose going with another person, a person who I never had a good opinion about. I dont know Anita, I didnt do that big a mistake for him to not choose me. Only I have been through his thick and thin. Why wasn’t choosing me or at least taking some time to think about us not his choice.

    May 23, 2018 at 4:58 am #208921
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Happi:

    I am trying to better understand what it is exactly that is bothering you (last paragraph in your recent post)-

    is it that he is still talking to her and will not stop no matter how much it hurts you that he does-

    Is it that he had something of a physically intimate experience with another woman in his life, other than you-

    Is it that he wanted at the time to explore the possibility of love with another woman-

    I didn’t understand “why wasn’t choosing me or at least taking some time to think about us not his choice”- can you clearly re-state this sentence?

    anita

    May 23, 2018 at 8:18 am #208945
    Happi
    Participant

    He has stopped talking with her. After I asked him to.

    What bothers me is that he got committed to another woman and had physical intimacy with her.

    “I didn’t understand “why wasn’t choosing me or at least taking some time to think about us not his choice”- can you clearly re-state this sentence?”
    I mean when i came back, why wasnt getting back with me not his choice or at least taking some time to think about it. He just went with someone else.

    Today he has changed, he values me a lot and says ” I want to dedicate my for you and take good care of you”

    May 23, 2018 at 8:31 am #208951
    Happi
    Participant

    Is it that he had something of a physically intimate experience with another woman in his life, other than you-
    YES

    Is it that he wanted at the time to explore the possibility of love with another woman-
    YES

    May 23, 2018 at 9:52 am #208983
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Happi:

    I remember when I used to dream about being The One and Only One in a man’s life, past, present and future. I wanted total ownership of a man’s mind and heart. I wanted to retroactively own his life, from the time before he met me.

    I learned that it is a delusion, to own a man this way. It is impossible. Even if you met a man with absolutely no prior experience with a woman, you can’t control his thoughts and desires. You can’t see to it that he will not want to be with another woman.

    And then, this reality: a man can love a woman very much and still, at the same time, for a few moments here and there, desire another woman. The two don’t contradict.

    I learned the following, and it fascinated me when I did: when a man loves a woman, it really is not about who the woman is, it is about who the man is. When a man loves a woman it is because he is a loving man. His love for another woman before does not take away from his love for you because he is now as he was then, a loving man.

    In other words, a man who is a loving man will love a woman. I wanted so badly to feel valuable, special, one of a kind that I expected what was not realistic to expect.

    anita

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