June 1, 2019 at 1:02 pm #296775
So this dates back to 2015. We used to study in tuition classes while in school,she was the one who proposed to me, I took one year time and we started our relationship in college(We were in separate colleges but very close) . It went great, for the first one and half years , we used to go out almost every second day for hours , call and talk for hours, we went to the movies. We were so in love. During 2nd year of college she had her sister’s marriage, we didn’t get to talk for almost a week, I noticed she was avoiding me. Asking her , she replied that she suddenly stopped “feeling the love”. I was shell shocked, how could this happen in such a short time ? Note that in the 2nd year, we went out comparatively less,so we decided to meet again, we met for two consecutive days , she clasped my hand on the bus and she said that she has found that feeling again. I was glad. So in our third and final year, as you know due to the hectic schedule in both our colleges, we met even less , but we used to contact regularly (call and texts). After the final exams, she took a trip with her family, after returning she said that she again stopped feeling the love. I was distraught, she would literally be sad and crying, but she would say , she couldn’t find that feeling , she said ” My love for you goes out and comes in” , and we eventually broke up, she was depressed and had to see a doctor, now she’s fine and she has apologized to me for not being able to work it out. My question is, could anyone explain to me , how the feeling of love can go out and come back again ? Could someone please shed some light, because to this day, I feel really sad because it didn’t work out and I have no explanation , yet we were so in love and we understood each other very well, and mostly because she was my first girlfriend. Thanks in advance.June 1, 2019 at 1:13 pm #296793
The first time she fell out of love with you was when she was very involved with her sister’s wedding, correct? And he second time she fell out of love with you was following a trip she took with her family. Maybe her relationships with her family members are so distressing to her that fear enters and love goes out the door, not only for them, but for you as well.
Could it be?
anitaJune 1, 2019 at 1:14 pm #296797
* didn’t reflect under TopicsJune 1, 2019 at 1:23 pm #296815
The thing is she has taken trips with her family in between our relationship as well. It was not an issue, it was just that after the first one and half years, we didn’t meet as much as we did in the first year, it was more over phone. And regarding her family, they are nice people, she loves them. To this day, I cannot really understand how can the feelings change so rapidly. Is this some psychological condition ?June 1, 2019 at 1:48 pm #296827
“she would literally be sad and crying.. she said ‘My love for you goes out and comes in’.. she was depressed and had to see a doctor”-
– she didn’t only lose her loving feelings for you, she was very distressed about it, distressed about the loving feelings coming and going, so much so that she saw a doctor. You asked: “”Is this some psychological condition?”-
– reads like, yes it is. It could be that she disassociates from her feelings and gets very surprised, not understanding herself how that could be. If she suffered in childhood an ongoing situation where she was scared and alone, let’s say her parents were fighting, shouting loudly when she was younger, and she was alone, scared, no one comforting her, she may have disassociated then. It is a protective mechanism that animals have, to remove a scary feeling from awareness because the fear or hurt feels too intense.
anitaJune 1, 2019 at 9:52 pm #296947
Her mother was suffering from cancer , while she was in school, 2-3 years before our relationship, thankfully she recuperated after few months of our relationship. Do you think this might be a reason ?June 2, 2019 at 7:11 am #296977
It may be the reason, if she was afraid for a long time that her mother will die and she didn’t have anyone to comfort her while she was afraid. If she was afraid day in and day out alone with her fear, then yes, it may be the reason she stops having feelings for you and gets distressed over it. There may be other experiences in her childhood that were also scary for her.