Mimicus,
I know how you feel. High school tends to do that to people. We have not yet learned about ourselves so we create categories in order to find identities and to fit in. I, too, never categorized myself as the cool type. As I’ve grown older, I’ve started to recognize that while I didn’t think highly of myself, others did. The more shocking realization is: I never felt as though I fit in because I created that divide, not them. Insecurities make us feel unworthy of acceptance. Insecurities make you act small and insignificant, then others treat you as such. If I had shown up feeling as though I was deserving of their affection, I’m sure high school would have been a lot different for me.

People don’t care what you wear or how you look (and if they do, it’s because they have their own insecurities and ideas of how they’re supposed to measure up in life as well). They care about you being authentic and friendly. Even if you feel like the oddest person in the world, if you own up to that personality and wear it proudly, you will be loved for it. Each of us adds a little variety and that is something to rejoice on. It’s how we create and inspire others. It’s how we move forward as a species. Being “Normal” means to be average. Being an outlier is a good thing in my book.

As for making friends, you have to try to see yourself on a level playing field. No one is more or less deserving of your friendship no matter what their personality type is or what kind of career or fancy car they have. You are no more or less deserving as well. The consciousness that inhabits your body and keeps you trapped up in that brain of yours is exactly the same in every living creature on our planet. We differ in thought processes and opinions but at the core we are identical. When you can come to recognize this oneness, you will have compassion for yourself and for all others.

I believe that you cannot judge yourself for something without judging others for the same thing and vice versa. Work towards self acceptance and then you will accept the world around you. When you know who you are and you are happy to be you, it will start to feel as though the right people will just walk into your life.

I’m not speaking from a place of divine knowledge. I’m speaking as a person who knows your pain so well because I have been there. Really, I think most of us have. The problem is, many of us feel inadequate so we try to elevate ourselves above others. If you want to be accepted, you have to accept. Be the change you wish to see in the world.

I wish you luck on your journey.
-Kim

Dear Mimicus,

I read your other posts and you come across as quite self-reliant and strong person. I dunno if this will help but i want to tell you a bit about my story so far – i too was and still am quite chubby and totally anxious at social situations as a teen. It was partly introversion nd partly lack of confidence. I did manage to make one or two close friends nd that sustained but deep down i believed i was not good at anything except grades. I always felt everyone was better and felt like an unwanted person. These thoughts were a result of bullying, a long tryst with mean friends. By the time i made it to college, i was still the same closed off person – i did make some friends but didnt go places, didnt make the effort to be in touch – partly because i was depressed and also in a way lot of limiting beliefs about myself. Truth be said, we are all growing and some days, i still feel like the oddest person ever no one wants but i fight it – some of it has to do with reaching out to others too- sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt – when we really connect with someone we realize how much we have in common in terms of experience, feelings or temperament – the point is, dont believe every thought you think – everyone has both good and bad – there are a few who will really get you, some who are good company and sum u should run south of. Reach out despite yourself, try new things and you might be surprised. Also if you can, try watching “Perks of being a wallflower” – i learnt quite a bit from that movie.