- This topic has 3 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 3 months ago by Anonymous.
October 28, 2018 at 1:42 pm #233901dreaming715Participant
Just a little background: I’m a 29-year-old female and I grew-up living with my dad. He got custody of me when I was very young due to my mom’s drug use. My mom and I had a rocky relationship up until 2 years ago when it became so severely toxic that I chose to not have her in my life anymore and we haven’t talked since.
My younger half brother still has a relationship with her though. Today I was talking to my brother on the phone and he made a random comment saying his friend’s partner was HIV positive and the said, “People can sometimes not get it from their partner though… like how mom never got it.”
I didn’t know what he meant so I said “What so you mean?” and he said, “Are you serious right now? You never knew our step dad was HIV positive?”
I was in shock. Not because of the illness, but because for over 10 years my mom (and I guess my step dad) LIED to me and said he had “chronic hypothyroidism” and needed to take medication everyday for it. The lies were somewhat elaborate too… like if he wasn’t feeling well it was always because of his “thyroid.” Or he was always very thin and my mom would casually joke and say “Don’t you wish you had his metabolism? I know I do!”
She also lied about other things, mainly her substance abuse issues… lies about my brother… her money situation… literally everything. I feel in shock because I don’t know even know for sure what was true and what wasn’t while I was growing up. I feel like our whole relationship was one big a lie and I don’t actually “know” who she is.
To be honest this all has contributed to my trust issues and it’s made me question my own reality. When you think something is a certain way for years only to find out it wasn’t real it kind of messes with you.
What honestly gives me chills is how believable she was and how “honest” she sounded all those years. All the while I didn’t know she was lying straight to my face.
I don’t know, what do you all think about this? Any tips on how to cope with knowing someone who was a pathological liar?October 29, 2018 at 7:44 am #234265AnonymousGuest
I think it is the easiest thing to do, for a mother to successfully lie to her children. We automatically believe our mothers!
Yes, it does messes us up, “When you think something is a certain way for years only to find out it wasn’t real”. When those things we thought were a certain way are fundamental things, when we find out they weren’t true, that is like an earthquake in the brain, it shakes us. So we need time to let the dust settle, after the main shake and the after shakes.
Do you consider the HIV/thyroid lie to be a fundamental lie? In my life, a fundamental/ major lie my mother told me was anytime she told me that she valued me. She didn’t. When she was angry she told me that I was worthless. Then she told me that when people are angry they don’t mean what they say. That was a lie. She meant it.
anitaNovember 5, 2018 at 10:34 pm #235635dreaming715Participant
Good to hear from you Anita! I definitely related to your post. I do feel like it was a fundamental lie… it was a pretty big shock. I’ve let it sink in though and have been moving past it though which is good.November 6, 2018 at 3:33 am #235653AnonymousGuest
I just wished that you feel better on your other thread. Maybe this will, referring to the topic of this thread: if your fiancé never lied to you, if he is a truthful man, that is so very important, isn’t it. What a relief it is to be able to trust what your partner tells you to be true!