Hi Anum, it is sad for both you and your mum but you have the chance to move on, remember ultimately she was working the only way she knew how and was probably wishing for help everyday. Start to think of her as not your mum but someone who wanted to do right but didn’t have the tools to do it, and think of yourself as someone who does have the tools to change and every attempt you make shows that, you are on the right road, dont panic if you stray off the track on occasion.

The reason you might feel like you’re limiting yourself might be because you’re not allowing things to process thus putting pressure on yourself. Whillst going counselling, from my experience I learnt some advice that I think may be usefull to you. One was distinctifying between things I can and can’t control. For e.g. iin your situation you can’t control your mum’s feeling or her actions/ you can’t control your feelings but you can too a big extent control what you do with it. I’d say you accept how you feel (which is a process) then you try and deal with it, (another process) this could be through; counselling, listening to music, doing things you enjoy and can help you express your emotions and feel better but step by step. Regarding your mum, I think you should speak to a counsellor about how you can deal with her. You didn’t deserve what she did but as you noted, she has issues that she is taking out on you which isn’t fair but hopefully she can get help in time, that’s if she realises herself that she should so it’s not in your control to make her get help. I will keep you and her in my prayers. Is there wwy you could live with other relatives/ talk to them about how you feel. I def think you should talk to a counsellor about her, they’ll give you suitable advice as you can give them a clearer picture to your home state thus they can give you an appropriate advice. B.t,w don’t feel bad for feeling this way, happiness doesn’t come out of thin air, I know the generic term of happiness makes it seem like a certain way but happiness is an indivualistic thing, I think real happiness happens when we use rational/ healthy techniques to help us deal with bad situations which help change those bad/ self defeating thoughts to the point that they become a part of the way we think and through this other elements come which enrich our postive emotions, it’s like a cycle but it’s a process that happens with effort but not pressure. Positivity doesn’t mean being happy all the time actually, I think it’s just keeping an open mind and TRYING to not let your feelings consume you but not blocking them out at the same time, reacting rationally. I think you should read self-help books that may hinge on your situation 9abuse/depression) I think you should read articles about people who experienced similar issues to you and through the process of dealing with things properly came out feeling like better. It might make you feel better because you can relate and know a lot of people experience it and some things they learnt might help you in your experience. Don’t pressure yourself, you’ll come out of this feeling but in time. I hope things gradually improve/ the way you see it does. Don’t underestimate your strength. I was down at some point but after dealing with things like talking to people and counselling I feel much better and I didn’t think I’d push through but I did after I stopped doubting myself, accepted my issue and tried to deal with it in an efficient and healthy way. Wish you well, XX 😉