Anita – thanks for responding. How do I leave? We recently told our family about getting married and are planning a wedding. Do I just call it quits? Do I talk to my parents? His family treats me well and I don’t want to do them wrong? Should I mutually discuss the issues and let them know that I cannot get married to this person? I have made up my mind that I want to withdraw, but I am afraid of the consequences.

I am Asian. Our community is tight knit. Our families influence our lives a lot, as well. I am afraid of push back from both our families if I try to call off the engagement and leave. Although I have lived in the US all my life, women in our culture are expected to let go and tolerate male dominance. I have not been raised like that and cannot tolerate such expectations. My family is very supportive/liberal, however his family is rather conservative.

I am also afraid of trying to move on and him pushing back in my life through fake apologies. I was considering a career move that will take me to a new city where he will not be able to locate me and I can start over. However, that will be very difficult as I have a stable job as an attorney and do not want my career to be affected by relationship issues.

Thanks everyone for responding and providing insight. I am working on it. He brought food to have dinner with me yesterday. I told him I do not like how this is going and until he realizes I do not want to speak to him or go forward with the wedding. He told me that he does not believe he did anything wrong and will make my life a living hell for blaming him that he is abusive. He told me he will “show me what abusive means” until I get up and leave from his life myself. This morning, he woke up and acted like nothing happened. I have not spoken to him and continue to maintain distance. I am trying to speak to my boss about a potential transfer and I am hoping it gets honored. After finally half of the day is over and ignoring him, I finally send him a long message telling him my feelings, to which he responds I don’t have time to read long and stupid messages. He is trying to keep his dominance. I am really tired. I am going to start distancing myself in a safe way.

Ankur – my family loves me a lot and I do not want to hurt them in the process. Yesterday my mother called me and I sounded like i was crying so she started crying as well, so I had to hang up on her. These issues affect everyone around me who cares about me. I hope I can just safely leave him without further interferences from him.