Hi Tim

Thank you for your post. It is good to read that I am not alone because as you said I do feel alone and outside of life. You seem to be in a very similar situation to me.

I will talk to my wife but I do feel she will feel helpless. She is already doing so much. She is saying to me that she can’t do anymore and is getting tired. She wants me to do a little more. I am thinking we need some home help so it takes some of the burden off her but she is not up for it.
In the past I have suggested getting babysitters but she is not up for this also. I think it is all about having people in our house and looking after our young ones who we don’t know. She has mentioned many times that she doesn’t want to bring up our kids like my parents did with me. I had many live-in nannies when I was very young. She feels parents should bring up kids and not pay for someone to do it.
I know what she means but I think just house keeping help would be some assistance and take that stress away.

Seeking help and talking openly is not something I do with close people I know. I find it easier to talk to new people.

One thing I have noticed which adds anxiety to myself and my wife is the importance my family give to what other people think. I have been brought up with this totally ingrained in me. Dress properly, talk properly… What will people think.. I see it in family from my side soo much and it drives me crazy. I know I do it also. I think there is some thought we should give but not let it run our lives. Example: my mother did Christmas lunch this year. She was so insistent that the lunch is perfect! Must have all the expected bits and pieces. I told her she should take it easy and create a simple lunch. Then she was insistent that our kids have brand new clothes. We thought does it matter really… It is just family and as long as they dress smartly and are comfortable that’s all should matter.

I remember growing up people would ask “what do you want to do when you grow up”. I used to say a surgeon because that’s what was expected of me. I had no real desire to do this.
It just shows the fakeness I and people have to show to the outside world. More so to family and friends. I had pressure to do well at school but I just was not academic. I look back and wish parents or teachers would encourage me to have done something I enjoyed.

I hope for a better world for my kids. I hope I can be an open and encouraging father. I notice myself drawn into the wrong way of thinking because that is the world I grew up in and still live in.

I have had a really unlucky 2015 and I hope for a more fruitful 2016.

But I keep thinking what matters most Arran is your wife and kids. They should e happy and that is my life goal now. Doesn’t matter what other people think of me or my family.