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New Relationship: Anxious and Fearful

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  • February 15, 2016 at 7:19 pm #96132
    Ang
    Participant

    Hello All,

    I am new here, and happy that i have found this place. I need to vent out some anxiety and fear about this new relationship i am in. I am absolutely terrified.

    Backstory: I am currently going through a divorce ( paperwork is filed and waiting a court date). I met this wonderful man via a few friends. We have been dating for almost a year, and things have been wonderful. He is so kind, giving, attentive, and affectionate. He is very caring. We have a blast together. I recently sent him a love letter via email. I told him how much i love him, and how he makes me feel so wonderful. This wasn’t the first time i said this to him, but this was a deep and thought out email i sent him a few days before Valentine’s Day. He did not respond with an I love you too, and to his defense; I did tell him he didn’t have to respond in kind.

    Before me move on, let me give you a backstory on him: He is middle aged man ( 8 years my senior) and i am only his second relationship. His first relationship ended last February, i believe. He is also not experienced in many ways, something he is pretty sensitive about. So, I understand his need to take things slow and make sure things are all good. I didn’t stop me from confessing my love to him because i felt the need to say it. I wanted him to know he’s important to me. I believe he deserved to hear that, especially after his life of let downs and such. I wanted him to know that he is lovable, and he is loved.

    Yet, a part of me regrets sending that “love letter” to him. I thought maybe it was too soon? And that i am dummy for making myself so vulnerable and open to heartache. I gave him the daggers to stab my heart at any moment. And I am pretty upset about this. I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want to be abandoned again. I don’t want to be rejected again, especially not by him. He is such a good man. I don’t want another failed relationship. I am giving 120 % in this one. I want to make him happy. I love him so much.

    But i am so scared he will dump me, not because anything i had done but because it just didn’t work. I know this can happen. I don’t want it to. I am so scared of getting hurt. I contemplated breaking up with him to spare me any heartache. It sounds so silly, because he has not giving me any indication he wants to break up with me. Yet, I am so anxious about this.. i pray to God, and ask ” please don’t make him hurt.. please”

    It sounds crazy i know. I am just scared.

    February 15, 2016 at 7:40 pm #96139
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear ang:

    You meant well: you felt love for him and you thought it will be good for him to know he is loved. You know how good it is to be loved and you wanted him to feel good. That was a loving act on your part. Only it is now awkward and you wish you didn’t.

    Why don’t you tell him what motivated you to write that email (wanting him to feel good) but that you now regret it. That your feelings expressed there were all true but it was an impulsive move on your part and you are afraid you placed awkwardness in your relationship. Then ask him how he feels about the letter, not if he loves you or what he feels about you, but about the letter?

    You can ask him if indeed he felt good reading your email, or what it was he did feel?

    And take it from there.

    anita

    February 15, 2016 at 9:46 pm #96149
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I’m sorry but I disagree with anyone who believes or thinks that expressing your feelings to someone you have been involved with for many years ( 3 years especially) is WRONG because it’s NOT. That is a very healthy thing to do, is to express how you truly feel about someone, not only to yourself but to that person especially. What I do find disturbing and un-healthy is suppressing feelings. Knowing someone for 6 months and telling them that you love them, is healthy too because that is definitely enough sufficient time to feel that strongly about someone. 6 months is already a half of year.

    I truly believe you did the write thing to tell him how much you love him, good for you. You deserve to be happy and if he rejects you, criticizes you negatively and or doesn’t respond to you. Well, then you have your answer and he is a bad person for ignoring you if does and you don’t deserve someone who’s going to run from you either but that doesn’t mean that what you did was wrong because it wasn’t. Everybody has a right to be themselves and be true and honest about how they truly feel about a person, whether it is reciprocated or not. Anybody who judges you or mocks you for expressing love to someone else has something terribly wrong with them.

    If he does rejects you for what you did, then he wasn’t even deserving of your love and you definitely don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t know how to love or accept it for that matter. Those kind of people are the ones that are severely injured emotionally and run away. I don’t know him or your situation but I wouldn’t give up hope until you see or talk to him face to face first (which is best and the healthy way to handle things.) Everything will be ok, whatever the outcome may be, stay positive, keep loving, keep communicating and expressing yourself. What you did was healthy and normal. I wish you a very beautiful life with the one you deeply love.

    M.T.

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