After another complicated relationship, I needed to do something different. I did not know why I have always attracted women with physical or emotional abuse. And in the end of the relationships, they all bolt. I finally decided to go through therapy. In therapy, I realized that growing up, my parents really never expressed their love to me. To compensate, I grabbed anyone who would love me. And this is what attracted these women towards me. Deep down, they want change. But unless they themselves have gone through help, the raw feelings of love is actually too strong for them, and in the end, they leave.

So how did I end up here, with multiple complicated relationships after another? I’ve never really fit in anywhere. Growing up and going to high school in a predominately “white” campus did not help. I was always left out of social events. I’m the bystander, looking from the outside. Even in Asian associations, I felt out of place. I’m viewed as “not too Asian”, and “not all Asian.” Flowing in the middle of two views is difficult. Where do I belong? Also, being an Asian male minority, we are usually viewed as the last option in terms of dating. Females from your own race, in 99% of the cases, usually prefer to date “white” males. Same goes for all of the typical gals from different races (whites, Indians, Hispanics, etc.). Where do I fit in? I don’t belong anywhere? Am I such a monster that no one wants to date me? These questions usually cause me a great deal of depression. I would cycle through ups and downs. This went on for the past twenty years.

Finally, a light bulb turned on. Do I REALLY need a woman in my life? This was the question that my brother posed to me. He said, “You know, unless they have something to offer you, then you don’t need them.” A switch turned on. I’m a stable guy, with two degrees, and I’m about to go to medical school. I have no kids and I’m funny. What do you have to offer me? In all of my past relationships, none of my girlfriends had anything to offer me except complications and heartache.

For the time being, I am content. Granted, I still do have ups and downs. But at the end of the day, I have my friends, my family, and my education as a medical student. Life is simple and more beautiful this way.

-Joe

• This topic was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Joe.