I’m seeking opinions and advice.

I’ve posted on here before about my story so I won’t go into a long explanation. I was in a “relationship” that ended approximately 3 mths ago. I had fallen in love with him and he was not ready for a committed relationship because of kids and school, which I knew. I question if I ever was considered. I was having a really hard time dealing with the situation. The fact that I work with him in the same group has made the process that much more difficult. I’ve tried to approach him a couple of times seeking some clarification and peace of mind. Each time ended with me crying uncontrollably because of his calloused behavior. We tried to maintain our friendship. Whether we were ever truely friends to begin with is up for question. As I began reflecting on the relationship, I started to feel used, like I was only an object and opportunity to him. I gave him money at times when he was in need and he’d ask for it. One time my mother had went into the hospital the day before in critical condition and placed on a breathing machine. He said sorry for his timing but was I still going to give him the money he needed.

A friendship to me is a give and take. A true friend does not take advantage of your weaknesses, nor your giving spirit, your compassion, or your feelings for their benefit. A friendship is forgiving, supportive, understanding. I called him my friend. Not a title I give out frivolously.

Friday before last I ran into him at a bar & grill. I greeted him. He was cold toward me. Earlier that day I was upset with him over another situation I began feeling used about. I asked him why he was cold and he said he wasn’t. He left soon after and I met him at his car. I told him he didnt have to leave because I was already going to leave, that I missed him, I feel so broken, and that I hated this. He said it wasn’t about me, he can’t help the way I feel, and it was not a good time to talk. He put his car in reverse. I said it’s never a good time. I said I just needed to know was I ANYTHING to him even if the answer is no. Did he even care for me as a friend. He stared at me not saying a word. I then got upset, told him that I guess that’s my answer. I was nothing to him but a notch in his belt. I said a couple of more things along that line. He sat and continued to just stare at me. I turned around crying, went to my car and left.

On my way home, I thought about him saying it wasn’t a good time. I tried calling him to see why he had said that, if something had happened. Of course he didn’t answer.

All week we didn’t speak, no texts either. Fast forward to yesterday. I had a feeling that something HAD happened last weekend. I had a feeling that his grandma died (she was 99). He loved her dearly. I sent him a text to check on him. No reply, I knew that was a possibility. I was not too upset about his ignore, other than I wanted to apologize, preferably over the phone.

For myself I’m starting to do much better. I don’t want to get back with him because I know he and the situation was not good for me. When you cry more than you laugh it can’t be good. I beginning to accept that his actions did not define me. People are going to be who they are, good or bad. I have to take care of me.

I feel bad that I didn’t listen to and respect his request. I regret my selfishness and insensitivity. This is not who I am. I was so caught up in my pain that I brushed over his request. It seemed that he never had time or cared enough to talk to me, but something about this time seemed different. If something did happen, which I strongly suspect, I should have been there for him. I never want to treat anybody badly even if they treat me badly. Even if he wasn’t a true friend to me, my friendship was authentic. I want to apologize, but if he’s not replying to my text, he surely won’t want to speak to me. Not sure how to feel or what to do. Our “friendship” may not be salvageable because I feel that he was not ever truely my friend and used me, I still want to offer him my deep apology. I also want to off my condolences if what I suspect is true.

Do I send a text apologizing, call him, approach him or move on? Am I over analyzing things, which I have a tendency to do.