Morning!

Yes, this is helpful! I guess in terms of the relationship and job perhaps I would not be diagnosed. I was in a 4 year relationship with my ex even though it was dysfunctional. I have been fired one time and been the trouble maker at a job before but have also kept jobs for several years.
I can relate to wanting to join the normal people but no one really is. I feel like I was born in the wrong time period because it seems people are so open now to act on their feelings! I have been interested in psychology in the past so I can see these imperfections very easily in others. What troubles me is my looking to others for fulfilling my needs but then getting sucked in to their problematic life. I feel like everyone has a problem with whoever I choose to associate with. I guess I do attract these people.
I resent my parents so much for not giving me a healthy emotional start, not talking to me about men and sex, and worsening my feelings of being different. I agree that the diagnosis does not matter at this point and I need to work through these issues. From my other post, my boyfriend is in that stage of seeing his mom perfectly and tells me my parents love me, but just do not know how to show it. Well, I’m almost 30 so if they don’t know now I don’t know when they will have this breakthrough. I am grateful for his help though but I know I need to figure it out on my own or in therapy.

Gigi

Anita,

Regarding the first paragraph, it makes so much sense now but I truly never thought of it this way. I just figured a miniscule percent of people had mental illness and that was it, and that I had the odds in my favor in finding someone who didnt. I could not have been more wrong and that is troubling.
Yes like my most recent close friend, I wanted to be around her 24/7 because I was having fun, then she started to use me for her personal gain. And me wanting to keep the peace, I did what she wanted. This caused me more pain because I would panic if she didn’t call, constantly wonder if she was mad, and this was just a friend.
I’m with you on that example. My mom does know how to show it because she is so sappy and annoying around babies and small children and she has been like this my whole life to people outside our immediate family. it literally would turn my stomach to hear her baby noises, lol. So what the problem with her children was, I don’t know.
My whole life she has tried to make me feel bad for being different. Whenever I had friends over she would lecture me on not being perky and outgoing. She loved to say “kids your age do this or do that.” She would tell me I needed to be more like my friends because they were doing more activities or going to a better school or had a better job. She was always screaming at me to speak. I didn’t have much to say to her because everything was a criticism. Whenever I got upset or had an argument her response was, “what did you do to piss them off?” So everything was automatically my fault? If a boyfriend broke up with me when I was younger it was, “boys like girls with tight bodies” or “boys like girls who let them take the lead.” She never had “the talk” with me either and started listening to my conversations and she cried when she learned I had had sex. Even my dad who wasn’t half as bad as my mom would make comments like, no wonder so and so dumped your ass, or I wish she was my daughter because she’s so talented.

This is all that comes to mind at the moment, wow does this get on my nerves even now haha.

Gigi

Thank you Anita,
Socially I am relaxed now that I left my last job because of having to constantly engage in gossip and feel condemned if I did not participate. The interaction I have had recently is with a few friends of my boyfriend and their girlfriends, and his family, and my sisters. I feel a cognitive dissonance so much because I don’t want to trust anyone anymore even though I know there are good people out there but it seems too overwhelming to meet new people.
I feel serious anxiety to do a lot of things day to day. I feel like I can only do one errand a day, one phone call a day, it is so exhausting for me.
The worst part is that all the things my parents said did not really motivate me at all. I was so motivated in high school, maybe because they were monitoring me closely. But when I left home they still routinely criticized, but I did not feel like giving them what they wanted. I passed my classes, but I did the absolute bare minimum. I want to be good at something so bad but I have no drive anymore, I break down at the smallest mistakes. I feel like I am mediocre at everything and not great. Maybe it is okay with me though, just not okay with them. I am so confused about my future because they would not let me major in what I wanted. I wanted to major in psychology but my mom told me I didn’t have the ability to talk to others. I wanted to then be an event planner but she said that was a joke of a job. This went on for 2 years of school until I just picked what she wanted. The thing is I never made more than 13 dollars an hour even having this degree, and she tried to tell me certain things were a joke.
She even rubbed off on me in that I tend to have these moments of rage and being critical even though I literally have nothing to show for myself, it really feels like her talking.