Hi guys! I’m new to Tiny Buddha. I’ve been using it for a few months without an account, mostly to read blogs and the forum. I decided to make this post because I really just want to hear opinions and some wisdom.

I’m 21. I have really bad anxiety when it comes to friendships and relationships but now relationships are my biggest trigger. I have a therapist and we currently are trying to work through past traumas to figure out the root of all this. A little background: I was sexually assaulted in 2016 and then got into an abusive relationship. The last guy I dated (prior to my current boyfriend) didn’t want a relationship but he told me we were only seeing each other. Turns out he was seeing other girls. I was devastated. I FEEL like this plays a key on my paranoia. But anyways. I love my current boyfriend. He’s amazing and funny and while he doesn’t fully understand my anxiety, he tries. No one has ever tried before. He listens to me and tells me he’s not going anywhere. I feel blessed to have him in my life. However, I am really paranoid that he’s going to leave me or is cheating. I know he works with a lot of hot girls and we both established that it’s normaly to find other people attractive but we love each other. I know some girl asked for his # months ago and he told me he didnt give it to her (he told me recently he sees her at the gym and they’re just friends and he thinks she’s a lesbian) but im paranoid because last month, some number was texting him and he said it was a random girl he doesnt know and would block them. He always reassures me (usually when he’s drunk) that he’ll never cheat and loves me and while he finds some girls attractive, he wants me for me and my personality. He even asked me to move in with him. I know he’s not perfect and neither am I but i hate that he gets hit on and I hate how paranoid I am. if he doesn’t text me back for hours, I get super paranoid. Especially if I know he’s not at work. I always assume the worst and make myself sick. I know he’s never cheated on anyone before and he’s too sweet and I know he would feel so guilty if he did something like that but i wonder if he gets tempted? or he wishes he was single? and it breaks my heart. I overanalyze what he says and how he says it. Last week, he said (while drunk) that we should “not have sex”(i was drunk too so i don’t exactly remember what he said) and he’s worried we’ll get aids but we’re both clean? i got super paranoid. he said hes’ worried we’ll get it because we do an** without  condom and I get it makes sense but still. In my head, he’s sleeping with someone and he’s scared to get me sick. I just don’t know what to do. He’s currently at work and has barely texted me and my anxiety is really bad.