It’s funny how sometimes we put our hopes up – rationally aware that we are not right/or even with our guts telling us not to – and we go back again to what causes us distress. So having met the ex was exactly that. Again, today, he proved to be a bad person to me. As if he hadn’t offered enough proofs that he is not good in the past. I just NEED to stop going back to this. And causing me more and more pain. Maybe just one final pain to cut him out of my life would be better?

Dear Anita,

Yes I do have plans. I plan to get a PhD elsewhere and am working towards it already… in another city far from everything. I’ve applied a few places already and there is more to send. I really hope it works out.

Yes!! And also Anita, this has been the greatest dream of my life so it’s really the best time to work on it. Focusing all of my energies in it!

Dear Anita,
I miss hearing your wisdom.

Life slapped me once again – a friend saw my ex with someone else. I’m obviously devastated, for the 1000th time in the past 3 months or so, of this hell I have been living. This is most definitely a closure, but the disillusion with someone I had been with for over 2 years is massive. I think this is the worse feeling. Someone we shared good (and bad, as I’ve mentioned, of course) moments, intense moments, a decision to move in together, just treating you like whatever and quicky moving on to someone else. All he still does is to blame me. The biggest challenge is still to forgive me. I think I’m halfway there…but you know when there’s some stupid kind of hope that someday ex will wake up, write me a long email realizing how much he hurt me and apologizing for causing me so much distress?
I’m keeping a journal where I write down all the negative stuff about our relationship. It’s already quite a few pages long. But still, the disillusion is something too hard to deal with.
Also – challenge has been dealing with anxiety, this new thing in my life as a result of all this turmoil. I’m really putting a lot of effort into taking care of myself. I’m meditating daily, exercising, reading, therapy, besides the medication I’m on.
So just wanted to chime in and let you know how everything is going. Your words are always very comforting.

Cath

Hi Anita,
I’m on clonazepam.
About the plans to move out, I’m sending out the applications so I still have to wait for the results. I hope to be accepted. And then I’d move out in about 5 months to another country.

It’s funny because the meditations keep bringing me more bad memories..feels bad but I guess it is for cleasing.

I’ve been on it for a week – still on a very low dosage. Half-tablet of 0,5mg, once a day. In case a wave of panic comes around, I can take another half. It has happened a few times. I feel VERY calm and can live normally again. So it’s been good so far.

I’ve been trying to hang out with different groups of people that support me and are actually positive, and make me feel good. I’ve been also realizing who are my real friends and who aren’t. So I’m just seeking positive stuff.

The applications are the only thing that are really keeping me motivated at the time. I’ve been putting on a lot of energy into it – the few good energy I have.

I think now that everything has been ackownledged and that i’ve finally began to take care of myself things will start to get better and i’ll start to heal. Let’s see 🙂

Thanks for playing a part in this process!

Crying a little bit here… Just want him out of the system. Out of my mind. Still wake up and miss him sometimes. I don’t want to miss anymore someone that caused me so much harm.

I’ll definitely try that, Anita! Thank you so much as always 🙂