June 2, 2013 at 11:18 am #36358CsabaParticipant
My parents are awesome people, they raised me with love and care, helping everyway they could. They never quarelled and the truly loved eachother, they got married when they were 18 and this year they both turned 50. They started to act strange latelly and I don’t know how to react to it.
Father was always strong, and somebody I really looked up to. He was strong mentally and morally, he taught me to be a good, honest man, Never have I seen him cry, he always knew what to do. Recently however he became more quick tempered, and just overally sad. He always talks about how he got old, life is over for him and things like that, he even started drinking a bit, a few glasses of vine almost every day before bed.
My mom became unexpectable. She cries a lot, she changes her mind every 2 minutes about things and she is just sad and I dont know why. They all look like all of their energy has been drained. They always talk about how old are they nad that they cant do nothing they could before.
I am the 3rd and last kid. I am going to leave home for university this september and leave them here like that. My father even told me that “You are going to leave me here with the 2 women.” (My grandmother lives with us) with sadness in his voice.
I know that they still love eachother, I just don’t knwo what can I do. They spend less and less time at home, becase they don’t feel good here anymore. Please if you had any experience with this tell me, I just want to help them somehow, to realise that life is not over yet and that they should be happy. Please tell me there is something that can be done about this. Thank you.June 2, 2013 at 5:49 pm #36380LesterParticipant
My parents went through exactly the same situation at one point. I’m not going to sugar coat it for my parents it didn’t turn out well. My father and mother were both going through their midlife crisis and my dad kept accusing my mom of cheating on him. This causes them to quarel a lot. My mother eventually suffered a stroke due to the stress of being in the relationship. Soon after she passed away.
For a long time it had bothered me. I had ran away from home blaming my father for my mothers death. I had blamed myself for seeing the problem and not doing anything about it. But looking back now, I realize there was nothing I could have done. My parents relationship is a result of their decisions, I can not change their thoughts and emotions. Once I realize this I began to accept what had happened. I had forgiven my dad were slowly building a great relationship again. When I talk to him he too blames himself for my mothers death, and I’m the one now helping him to let it go. In the end we are still ok. We are moving forward the best we could despite the scars.
What I’m saying is that there is nothing you can do. You can try to control nature or you can let nature take its course. The best thing you can do is to learn to accept what will happen whether good or bad. All you can do is hope that it will be okay. Goodluck my friend, I wish you the best for yourself and your family.June 2, 2013 at 8:38 pm #36384IndigloParticipant
Oh yeah I am 40 and I am scared to death to become 50. The truth however is that being 50 years old they still have many years of productive, meaningful and enjoyable life ahead of them. They still have time to do what they maybe wanted to do and haven’t had a chance. What you can do is perhaps is to talk to them about it and suggest seeking psychological counseling, possibly cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). For self-study of some of the techniques, buy them the book of Dennis Greenberger, “Mind Over Mood” – this one includes an example of a similar case.
Part of the crisis could be the separation of children now that their youngest son leaves on his own. So if playing an important role in their children’s life is still important to them, you can assure them that they are still needed and loved, needed by their children and grand children, maybe talk to others and find a way to engage them more.June 3, 2013 at 10:43 pm #36427Carissa DeMatesParticipant
The best fix is love. Let your parents know that they are loved. Spend time with them and make them feel they have memories that they will take with them for the rest of their lives. Being a parent all they is to see you flourish, so show them that. Sadness and realizing death is a life problem that everyone goes to and what they need is your support in the form of love.