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Personality Changes

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  • December 8, 2016 at 6:36 am #122257
    Jen
    Participant

    Hi there,

    I’ve noticed that over the course of several years my personality has become increasingly quiet and reserved. I have issues with self-esteem, but have had these for many years coming and going. Looking back to my years in college and the several years after, I was always at least more confident, much louder, a leader, more proactive, and generally more extroverted. I’ve since moved to a new place and taken on other challenges, and have noticed that I am much more reserved. I am trying to understand this, as I’m not sure I like it, or whether it’s a natural occurrence and just comes with me getting older (I’m 27), or if there’s something else at play – perhaps my mental health is suffering. Can anyone relate to this or offer any wisdom?

    Thanks so much.

    December 8, 2016 at 7:14 am #122259
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jen:

    I just noticed that you answered a reply I posted to you on your thread of four months ago and I didn’t answer your question there. I missed it (a first time, I think).

    Your older thread was titled: “Doubts/ Uncertainty in Relationships” and the more recent thread was titled: “Cant pick a career path.”

    Your uncertainty regarding these two significant topics: relationships and career has been going on for a long time. Maybe the uncertainty has been wearing you down, chipping away at your confidence, rendering you quiet and reserved.

    Do you have any insight as to where the uncertainty is coming from, the lack of contentment with your present situation, whatever it is at the time?

    If you’d like, tell me about your childhood, your relationships with your parents, your experience then- were you certain then? Was there a point when you lost that certainty?

    anita

    December 8, 2016 at 10:12 am #122289
    Sandy
    Participant

    Hi Jen,

    I’ve gone through the same thing over the last few years (I’m 31 now). I moved a lot in my twenties and jumped around to a lot of different jobs and relationships. I felt confident through most of it, but more recently (let’s say the last two years) I’ve started to look back and criticize myself for “bad” habits: staying at jobs for short periods, moving in with guys too fast, etc. I wasn’t particularly crazy, just had a way of quickly making big decisions and being comfortable with fast, huge change. I was way more outgoing and adventurous than I think I am today. I wonder personally if I just became my own worst critic, shaming myself for reckless and immature behavior that may have set me back in my professional life and caused people to develop particular opinions of me. I think it ended up being a sense of embarrassment or shame that caused me to turn inward and become a bit more of a cynic of life. My inner critic started following me around commenting on everything I did, every day. I got used to the abuse from myself and it became the norm.

    The repercussions of this were that I fell into depression for most of the last two years, which has only recently subsided. I’m starting to come out of my shell again as I realize that I don’t need to bully myself so much– honestly, being a resilient and constantly evolving is what makes me fascinating and people think it’s charming more than anything.

    So I guess that was all to segway into this: do you feel like you have a strong inner critic? Or are you just observing more? It could be that you’re maturing to a level where you value absorbing energy more than emitting it. But if you feel empty because a particular facet of yourself feels like it’s missing, then there might be something inside you that’s blocking it (mental state or self-bullying come to mind). I say it’s probably internal because if it was someone or something that was oppressing you, it would probably be a bit more obvious. But other basic stuff such as lack of sleep, exercise, sunlight, or nutrition could just be draining you. If you feel like you are taking care of yourself from the inside-out, then maybe start looking at your every day life and see if a particular outlet is missing. I started doing aerial silks a few years ago and it became a great creative, social, and energy outlet for me. Perhaps you are just not stimulated in the right way.

    This was mostly a stream of conscious, so hopefully it translated well. I wanted to respond because I definitely feel for you and totally get it. Just try to be open to the signals you’re sending yourself and conscious of your inner voice. Who knows, you may end up growing fond of the “new you.”

    Best of luck. <3

    December 8, 2016 at 7:12 pm #122311
    Jen
    Participant

    Dear Anita and Squig,

    Thank you both for responding! And Anita, to my last post as well. I appreciate you listening and your input.

    Anita, there certainly is uncertainty (pun intended), and I think it’s a combination of doubting past decisions, and uncertainty about the future. I am unsure of where I will be living in the next year, a move is coming, I am unsure of past relationship decisions I have made and moves I have made. I know it’s all a process, but it feels like there’s a few decisions I’ve made that I’m not quite sure were the right ones, but then I guess we can only look to present and future and take it from there. These probably are having an effect on my personality changes.

    And Squig, thanks so much for sharing. I can relate to a lot of what you said about your past in moving and relationships etc, and also the inner critic. I think in this case concerning being more reserved I am more observing and wondering where it’s coming from, but my inner critic is very active, I criticize myself often, and often do not feel “good enough”. I also have not been taking proper care of myself physically, and that is something I need to work on. Maybe if I can do a better job at that I’ll start to come out of my shell again.

    Thank you both so much! Hugs.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by Jen.
    December 8, 2016 at 7:49 pm #122316
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jen:

    You are welcome. I wonder if you are certainly uncertain because at one point on you were disapproved for the choices you spontaneously made, pointed to a “better” choice and having this happen repeatedly, you lost confidence in your ability to make the “right choices”

    An example of a childhood scenario that I am making up: Jen is on an outing with her mother to the mall, approaching the ice cream shop there. Jen is looking at the dozens of ice cream flavors and says: I want this one! (the chocolate flavor, call it the C choice). Your mother says: but you like the vanilla flavor too (call it the V choice). Why don’t you get the chocolate AND vanilla combination (the CV Choice).

    Next, you go to a clothing store to buy a .. new hat. Jen says: I like this one! And your mother says… you get the point.

    Anything like that?

    anita

    December 9, 2016 at 6:36 am #122333
    Jen
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    My father certainly doesn’t agree with a lot of the decisions I’ve made, but I think the uncertainty is coming from myself and my own doubts. I have no regrets, but I feel that maybe I do question some of the choices I’ve made and agree that it has had an effect on my confidence and trust in myself.

    December 9, 2016 at 6:59 am #122334
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jen:

    “In the beginning..” What happened in the beginning is what I often ask myself when I try to understand people’s distress. In the beginning, a child does not question his or her choices. They come naturally, spontaneously. There are really no Mistakes, in the beginning, only choices leading to consequences, leading to learning.

    So when you wrote in your last post: “I think the uncertainty is coming from myself”- I agree that at this point, it does, but not in-the-beginning.

    If you would like to examine the beginning, do share about your earliest memories of a parent or parents disapproving of your choices.

    anita

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