Dear Anita,

Thank you for responding. I agree what you said about him loving me in the context of his vacations. I was fully aware of the risks involved and was a willing participant.  I’m a bit disappointed but not heartbroken. I felt that the time we were together were loving, respectful, caring and extremely peaceful.  He often said how good it was for the soul because of how relaxing it was.  We explored quite a few exotic places together and they took coordination before and during the trips. We were on the same wavelength 99% of the times, therefore, everything went smoothly. We wanted to make each other happy so whatever the other person wanted the other accommodated.  I didn’t ever felt hurt, slighted or not getting enough attention.  We were always ‘present’ when we were together. We spent time on our phones to do what we needed to do but always returned to each other within one hour or less. Because of the great times we had I don’t feel that it was an act. I truly believe he cared for me deeply, not as a vacation girlfriend or an option.  He’s in his 40s and had two serious girlfriends before me. He has always led an independent life where he needs his alone time and also spend tremendous amount of time in various activities.  When he was with his gf he took six months off to travel.  During that time he didn’t understand why his gf was upset that he couldn’t talk to her weekly. He could but he didn’t want to be commit to a schedule where he had to be at a certain place/time. He told me he was ready to quit some activities because she was not happy. He ended up leaving her.  He wants freedom to do whatever when he wants it.  This has been his pattern and probably always will be. It has nothing to do with me!   When I finally understood that I stopped feeling unimportant when he treats me like an acquaintance. While at he’s home he’s at battle with heart.

Why I feel our relationship was fated: I had plan to go somewhere else for vacation but ended up canceling 4x times before settling on this destination.  I originally reserved a hotel in another city but last minute I changed my mind and booked a night in the same hotel.  I had no idea why because there was not anything in particular I wanted to see there.  Also, the day we met I had plans to leave early but that morning it was extremely windy. I decided to wait in the lobby where there was stronger WIFI connection.  As I was walking toward a table he looked up from his laptop. We exchanged hellos. I was studying a map and I sensed he was looking at me for a while because I felt heat on my face. Next thing I realized  he came to my table and asked if he could join me.  We talked about our plans and since we were going to the same place he offered me a ride. I accepted  and we both ended up in a remote place (off season) by ourselves. We spent all day together and had dinner from 4pm to midnight! During the entire time I felt comfortable around him but no physical chemistry. He offered to spend the remainder of his trip with me and I accepted. 99% of the time if I felt no chemistry I usually would not accept the offer knowing that the guy would eventually make a move on me and it would be super uncomfortable, especially in our situation where we were alone together.  I felt safe from the getgo. In the subsequent trips we discovered that there was a very intense sexual attraction between us, an attraction that was so intense that it left us both need room to think about what just happened, la force beyond our control. I’ve not ever experience anything of  this depth. It touched my soul. He also mentioned several times that our private time was good for his soul. This is why I believe we were brought together to help each other grow and evolve. I dug deep into this dynamic and in the process I learned a lot about me and many issues that I need to work on so that I don’t repeat the same patterns and if I do, it means I’m not there mentally yet and it’s ok. Everyone’s time frame is different.  I feel peaceful despite being separated without any interactions for three months yet I’m experiencing these symptoms. As soon as I wake up in the middle of night my mind goes to him and it keeps me up all night.  I don’t feel anxious or sad so I don’t know why I can’t fall back asleep unless I knock myself out with PM drugs, which I don’t want to do.  Am I feeling his vibrations?

Dear Anita,

How do I go about letting him go in my heart? In my head I have no desire to go back. I feel repulsed by the thoughts -how it was HOT for four weeks to no communication within a month. It was my choice to step away because I didn’t want to be fed crumbs any more. The waiting was so excruciating that I just couldn’t wait another week or two for an email that I decided to walk away without an explanation.  I’m sure he’s upset about it, that’s why he didn’t respond.  All my close friends said they would ask if everything is ok – out of common courtesy. While it is sad to think about it sometimes I truly feel liberated and should be grateful that he’s respecting my boundary. I don’t have unrealistic hopes of us, in fact, I have no desire to see or hear from him.  I’ve watched many Eckhart Tolle videos on how to let go and be present and while they help me and I feel good every day, negative thoughts still creep up. It is ruining my inner peace with lack of good sleep and a pulsing heart beats. I know that I didn’t just developed a heart condition and a sleeping disorder.  I’ve scheduled an appointment to meet with a therapist to go over why I attract emotionally unavailable men. I realized that having an EU father and an overly critical mother make me seek approval.  The more I was denied of a relationship, the more I wanted it, from this guy, hence, why I hang around.  Even knowing this fact, I can’t seem to forgive myself today. I feel so angry today.  I can’t wait for the day when this is not on my mind to think about anymore.

Dear VJ,

Thank you for your tips. I’ll try it if I wake up.  I’ll will also try to break the karmic link  – it doesn’t matter where in the world we live, the force finds us. I met mine thousands of miles away from home and we don’t speak the same languages. He speaks some English.

I’m grateful that he has been respecting my boundary by not contacting me. The silence treatment gives me time to formulate my thoughts and also to put everything in prospective.  I’m certain that I’ll not go back to the same pattern. Changes take time and people like him resist changes. By recognizing this, it’ll be easier to walk away even if my heart feel differently.  As much as we hate the silence sometimes, it’s the best ammunition to have to prepare for the next step.

Dear Anita,

I don’t feel that I’m denying my hurt and anger toward him. When I catch myself feeling hurt/angry, I remind myself that I played an active role in it and that I was warned.  I don’t want to stay angry all the time. It robs me of my peace.   I try to accept it for what it is and hopefully memory of him will fade.  Each morning I write down the things I’m grateful for and set my intentions for the day.  Most days I’d say I feel great 90% of the time.  What do you suggest I do?   I start to look at the situation as we were nothing more than FWB.  In this scenario I should not have any  expectations.    The last two nights I slept great and today was the first time I stopped checking my email.  I don’t check it as often as I used to but today I had no desire to. I’m not going to give this event any more power over me.