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  • #382202
    Amanda
    Participant

    have been seeing this guy for 8 months a lot of it started virtual as we had to speak on phone a lot due to lockdown and not living local to eachother. Yet we always spoke daily, hourly … and  since lockdown has lifted we have seen eachother more, I always known his been on anti depressants but I didn’t realise how bad it was . The first time we slept together he came very quick and since then He hasn’t wanted sex with me I feel awfully rejected and I stood naked in front of him and he rejected me however he wanted to kiss cuddle me all the time on the sofa. Kissing me head holding me tight I felt so loved apart from sexually. We had an argument a few weeks ago and He said that since then he is struggling so much,it triggered him with mental health and has hit an all time low and wanted to kill himself. He also lost his job as he hasn’t been turning up . The whole weekend he looked like a ghost and would often stare at the wall, his behaviour was a bit scary , he would jolt up in his sleep and was incredibly clingy to me . When I left to go home at the weekend he fell to the ground and cried and asked me to stay longer but I have a child I had to leave. He then rang me that night saying that he is so low he is a burden to me, I said not at all I want to be with him and then he said he doesn’t know what he wants at the moment as his mind isn’t right. I told him I won’t leave him and he said He needs time to himself, I pleaded with him but his mind is made up . I am heartbroken , I can’t help but feel so rejected and I don’t know if it’s cus he doesn’t want to be with me or if his mental health is completely to blame. His last message to me was that he needs some time to sort his mind and head out. In which I just replied ‘ok’. I have heard nothing since. I was completely in love with him and I ache every second we don’t talk , I have no idea how he is able to not talk to me as I’m sat here craving him so much. I feel sick constantly and have started to just sleep to numb the pain. I won’t reach out to him as he asked I respect his decision but I am so low. Any thoughts ? To go from 8 months of speaking every second to nothing I can’t understand it.

    #382204
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Amanda:

    It reads like his mental health is in bad shape, no wonder he is not able to have a healthy relationship with you (or with anyone). And you are feeling very badly about the break or breakup. What was the argument a few weeks ago about, which he says affected him so badly: who said what during that argument?

    anita

     

    #382213
    Amanda
    Participant

    Hi Anita , the problem stemmed that he seemed very vacant with me and was cancelling a few of our plans so I gave him a time to call me and he didn’t , I may have overreacted but I blocked him and he reacted very badly to it , crying Leaving a lot of voicemails . I agree his mental health is in a very bad way and his also lost his job now on top of this. I have granted his wish of leaving him alone to sort it all out and I haven’t heard from him now for 4 days however I am say here wondering if I am still in a relationship. I’m 33 years old and really hate not knowing I’m very anxious but I’m also conscious he so wanted this time on his own as his such a mess that I can’t Reach out and ask ‘what are we’ x

    #382214
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Amanda:

    “wondering if I am still in a relationship.. hate not knowing”- I think that you are no longer in a relationship since 4 or 5 days ago.

    “can’t reach out and ask ‘what are we'”?- I don’t think that he can answer this question, not to you and not to himself. From what you shared he is mentally disabled, as in not able to answer important questions. Life is too difficult for him: work was too difficult so he stopped showing up to work; his relationship with you was too difficult, so he .. stopped showing up in your life.

    Mental illness is widespread, so many people are unwell. What is most important for you and for your child is that you do your best to not deteriorate mentally because of this breakup or for any other reason. You have to be strong, endure and move on from him, let him go. Can you do that, one day at a time?

    anita

    #382219
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hello my friend, My name is Wind. In Vietnam. I would like to put some ideas and questions for you. You do not need answer me. I invite you to quietly contemplate within yourself. I do not say my ideas are right or wrong.. I only share..

    Example.. One day.. You wake up normally. peaceful in your life.

    Then, I suddenly bring a brand new car to your house. You did not have a car.. Now I bring for you. After you see the object, you begin full emotions with object.. love, like, excited etc…

    Then suddenly after some weeks or months you wake up and it is gone. I take it from you.

    You begin all sorts of suffering about it.. worry, stress, wanting, look for, anger etc…

    My friend..

    Only example.. But, your behavior with yourself about the man or that man, is no different from your behavior with the example.. Only different appearance of an object but inside FULL EMOTIONS with object.

    Meaning, all suffering is the cause of attachment to any object outside of us. Object meaning, car, money, friends, man.. etc..

    Why you lost yourself and volunteer to become the like the beggar and slave of your own emotions to the unbalanced behavior of another?

    Where are you? You lost you.

    Careful my friend. As each person carries the seed of their cause and effect. Emotion, possesses emotion. From can not overcome the emotion of possess, of keep, or controlling and wanting.. You begin invite many troubles that will appear on the time.

    Emotions are often used like the knife my friend. To control and possess. You are the woman of 33. You are not teenager.

    Suddenly you whole life, now become depended upon the this object? This person. You are the slave of the object my friend. Is that the purpose of your life? What is the purpose of your life?

    I share.. You can not know what waits in another to appear on the time. We can share, be compassionate.. But we must careful not to lost ourselves in the process. otherwise, you only mistake with you.

    Covid is like the big light that open everything within everyone from always needing and wanting the attachment to objects outside of them and can not balance in alone. Covid is only the occasion for everything to appear in each person.

    Come back my friend.. Come back to yourself. You must respect your life and Soul. Or, you continue to chase the object like a mouse running on a wheel. You slowly destroy yourself.

    We must courage to see the cause and effect law in each person. Means, you must use awareness to see what will be your effect if you can not overcome your emotions of attachment. The life gave you a door to exit from the situation but.. from your needing and wanting you missed and keep going deeper into suffering.

    Now the man fall on the floor, do this and that.. control you like the puppet on the string. I do not judge him but, you must wake up my friend. Or.. you must ready for everything that will come and appear on the time. And.. TOO LATE, did become the name everyone.

    Peace inside is very simple if you have the courage to cut everything within and drop it.

    The basic law in the life is that when something begins, means it must end. This man come, means on the time he go and another appear = Of Course!

    Must courage inside. TO STOP. Only you can save you. Come back.. come back to yourself. Come back to gratitude and balance from seeing where the real value of the life is. Come back and clear and clean everything inside and maybe you can begin curious and discover some meditation. 33 is good time for you. Begin discover something new. Begin come back to the house of awareness and confidence to stand straight before yourself. Not like a beggar before another.

    I see this situation is very dirty my friend. Of course, it is your effect from your behavior. Meaning, only your behavior with yourself can open the door for you to escape and overcome yourself. Win YOU.

    You think you have the time… But you can not imagine.. As the time never cares anyone. But inside the self created prison of suffering you invited to appear.. My friend.. You lost the time.

    Must see the limit in all things. Now is a wonderful occasion for you to begin to meet yourself again and get to know you. I share sincerely and straight… My friend.. must courage to stop.

    Respect that the purpose of your life is to grow up your soul and discover your life. This IS YOUR DUTY.

    Your purpose is not to become an emotional slave to yourself or the delusional behavior of another.

    Come back… Come back.. it is ok. Courage.. confidence. The life always moves and changes. Understand when it is ENOUGH.

    When your emotions attack you.. You practice to only observe but not follow. Like storms that appear in the night.. We only sit and wait for everything to pass. Of course, emotions, like the weather all follow the time. Begin and end.

    look for your purpose. Find a purpose for you life NOW. And take positive action. ACTION. The value only appears in the action. Cut, put down, clear and clean everything inside and forget everything.

    otherwise, your life will become like that of a person running through the desert trying to keep a piece of ice in their hand.

    Many, many possibilities wait you. Clean possibilities. Wait you. Ready with you. Take some time my friend to discover YOU again.. and I tell you sincerely.. like a flower.. on the time with enough details and conditions.. Everything will open.

    The life life always takes place from within.

    By the view you use, so it exists exactly.

    Courage in each step. No one ever climbed a mountain walking backwards look down.

    Thank you so much.

    Wind.

     

     

     

     

    #382871
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Amanda:

    How are you?

    anita

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