September 23, 2015 at 5:08 pm #83982Holly WoodParticipant
I was with my girlfriend for 3 years. We broke up but I tried to be cordial I even kept my friends around her. I cried to my best friend about this girl, I confided in her and told her how much I wanted her back.. Recently I found out that she is now dating my EX best friend of 12 years. They lied, snuck around and now continue to date. I am a mess, I can’t eat, sleep or stop obsessing on them. I have told them how much this kills me but they do not seem to care and continue to date.
Please help.. I am in so much painSeptember 23, 2015 at 5:46 pm #83983BrianParticipant
I have a friend who went through a similar situation–they were engaged, she broke up with him and blamed him for a lot of stuff, then she got together with his longtime best friend. My friend wound up growing and learning a lot about himself.
However, I’d say that right now you are very much in the grieving part of it. No one has died, but it’s like a death, to have your girlfriend leave and your girlfriend and your best friend betraying your trust, and then leaving you out in the cold. It really hurts.
What I’d suggest is finding a grief counselor or therapist (if you don’t already have one), and let yourself feel the feelings. Don’t try to push them away or bury them. Let yourself safely grieve, if you can. There is nothing wrong with grief. There is nothing wrong with tears.
I know this may seem impossible, but try to focus on the present instead of obsessing. If the present moment hurts, grieve for it. Distracting in a positive way also may help: things like going for walks and looking at the environment around you and concentrating on the sounds, smells, feel.
It’s possible they may never come back to you. You don’t have control over that. The only thing you have control over is what you do with your feelings. They hurt, but as I said, they really should hurt. Being in pain, torn up on the inside, is a normal response to something like this.
Is there a peer support phone number in your area? Perhaps you could talk to someone about it sooner rather than later.September 23, 2015 at 6:08 pm #83984jockParticipant
It takes time to heal, especially in circumstances like yours.
This is a true test of your self-esteem. Time to dig deep and believe in yourself.
I know it sounds strange, but you can find better than this girl. Today’s pain is tomorrow’s gain. If you choose to start believing in yourself, you can attract an excellent partner whom you really cherish and trust.
I’d say take a break from relationships and try to enjoy time alone. This will be tough because you are still obsessing. If you can somehow gradually calm your mind down…don’t expect to be happy too soon. Patience is the key.
I feel for you because I am an obsessor extraordinaire. Strong emotions seem to control us as they negate our self-talk. Self talk that sounds like this “I’m such a loser. Why did she do that to me? How could he? I’m never gonna find a girl like her again. What an idiot, a fool I’ve been. I’ll never be happy”
Look at those thoughts. If we believe those thoughts, we will continue to be unhappy.