Home→Forums→Relationships→Please ! Need insight Bu
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January 24, 2019 at 1:44 am #276545anjum nikloParticipant
Hi Anita
i didn’t block my ex Boyfriend because honestly I don’t feel anyting for him .Neither love Nor hate or anything . I use to think that he is it and we have best relationship but after getting out of that relationship I realised what all I was missing and even if I was single I would never go back to him .
When he calls me I talk to him listen to him and tell him about life too and I never feel any emotions infact sometime he sounds so manipulative that I laugh inside .
nevertheless I never say things which will hurt him because I don’t want to hurt him I know he is still in love with me . So I usually don’t tell him how amazing I feel with my new man just because I know it can be painful .
Thank you
Nikki
January 24, 2019 at 6:52 am #276597AnonymousGuestDear Nikki:
I don’t know if you read the part in my last post to you about doubts being common, women getting cold feet before marriage, or doubting their choice before and after marriage. You are not unique in this regard.
I understand that your feelings regarding physical intimacy with your fiancé have changed somewhat. You no longer cringe and you enjoy sex with him.
And I understand that you didn’t express to him that you used to cringe at the thought of having sex with him, and that you currently don’t find him physically attractive. I think you should continue this policy of not disclosing this to him, nor should you tell anyone about this if there is any chance that this information will get to him.
I think it is possible for a woman to have a good, loving marriage to a man she doesn’t find physically attractive as long as she doesn’t cringe, as long as she enjoys physical intimacy with the man, and as long as the woman sincerely appreciates and values the man otherwise.
Regarding your ex boyfriend of six years, who is still in love with you, you wrote: “I didn’t block my ex Boyfriend because honestly I don’t feel anything for him. Neither love Nor hate or anything… I never feel any emotions”-
It is not true that you don’t feel anything for him or about him, that you have no emotions about him. If you didn’t, there will be nothing to motivated to “talk to him listen to him and tell him about life”.
What is it then that you do feel for him or about him which motivates you to keep contact with him?
anita
January 24, 2019 at 10:55 am #276667anjum nikloParticipantHi Anita
I’m very grateful to you for being patient and listening to my stories . I know there are people who needs your attention more , and struggling From real issues .
Thank you Very much .
As such there is no motivation , he keeps messaging me talk to me once most of which I ignore but sometime I tell him you can call . And that’s like twice in 4 months . I’ve no idea why I sometime tell him to call I think I just want to know whatsapp in his life . May be I’m being sadist
But honestly I don’t want to be with him ever .
Thank you
January 24, 2019 at 11:15 am #276671AnonymousGuestDear Nikki:
You are welcome. But your issue is real, no less than anyone else’s.
Regarding your motivation in communicating with your ex, it may be in what you stated in a comment you made in someone else’s thread today or yesterday:
“He will come running to you but he won’t if he feels like you are still weak and crying after him… If he gets a feeling that you are having fun, growing and making a good life for yourself. He will regret his decisions even if he doesn’t come begging you out of shame”-
maybe you want your ex to “beg you out of shame”, to regret his decision to not marry you.
I believe you “don’t want to be with him ever”, but I think you want him to want to be with you forever, that is, to marry you, or to regret not marrying you.
Now, I ask myself, what is the harm in such motivation and in continuing the contact with him? My answer to my own question- to communicate with him keeps you bound to him, attached in some way. And that can harm your relationship with your fiancé/ future husband.
anita
January 25, 2019 at 10:04 am #276875anjum nikloParticipantHi Anita
yes , I’ve realised that the moment to start living your life and not beg someone to love you back or take you in their life , they get attracted to you more . That’s what happened when I stopped chasing my ex Boyfriend . When he broke up with me stating some lame family stuff ,I was shocked and broken and tried all my means to get him back . But after a month I had it enough I realised it wasn’t worth then I started prioritising my own life and take care of myself . Worked for my own improvement the moment he got the vibe that I’m not interested in pursuing him again he started contacting me and slowly making advances.
And I got a Job which he can never even dream of because I worked so hard for it .
now he wanted to marry me and started giving excuse that he always loved me but was just taking time to sort of things with his family . He wanted to do it alone because it’s was getting too taxing for him with me on one side and his family on another . Anyway the time when we were not in contact with eachother gave me a new prespective of life and made me realise what was I missing . And when he came back begging I didn’t allow him
I dont hate for him now ,but still what he did was not right , I feel that . But I’m Glad he did ,my life is much better then I was with him .With him it was so much uncertainty,anxiety , Low self esteem and fear of not being good to impress his family , wanting validation ..phew
You are right may be I want him to regret . But never want to go back .
Btw I tell my fiancé whenever I have a conversation with my ex or even show him his messages .
Thank you
January 25, 2019 at 10:20 am #276885AnonymousGuestDear Nikki:
You are welcome. I think it is time to end all contact with your ex boyfriend, to say goodbye to him. I think it will help your current relationship with your fiancé. I think it is time to close the door on the ex, the past and turn fully toward the present and future.
anita
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