My solution for weird feeling relationships is Impeccable Politeness. Not cold politeness. But the kind you show someone you just met.

“Hi, how are you?”
“Good.”

“Can you do (whatever) for us?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t do that, but can I do this for you?”

*blistering silence*
“Oh, Hi Niece, can I get you some iced tea?”

A lot of their stuff is just that. *Their* Stuff. They can think what they like of you. But if you keep it short, sweet, and polite, they can never take offense in a true sense. Let it go, let it go, let it go! Repeat in head as needed.

If they overhear you praise them to other people, that can go a long way. Or, if you email to ask a question or send them fun things, that is proactive too. It will make them question their assumption that you look down on them. Totally optional.

But, you can also say, “I get overwhelmed”. “I’m bad with the phone.” “I’m not getting involved with DH’s relationships, he’s a big boy.” Whatever is closest to the truth of where you are. Again, optional.

Politeness, you can’t go wrong.