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Purposeless, Old, and Sad

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  • February 7, 2019 at 8:42 am #279203
    Velouria
    Participant

    just wrote a whole long thing I deleted… so here’s the short version:

    i can’t get these suicidal ideations out of my head. I am not suicidal, i just can’t stop picturing myself doing it. Every streetlight I drive under I see myself hanging from it. I know I’m tired and I’ve been sick, so these are affecting my mental health. my meditation and yoga practice has been severely lacking during the past two weeks or so.

    But i just think, what is the point to all this suffering? I feel no purpose. I am 31 and feel so lost and freaking sad. UGH.

    Any insight appreciated to how to find light. I have a fiance who does love me, even though our relationship gives me BOAT loads of stress and I am the worst version of myself around him.

    I just feel trapped. Ugh.

     

    February 7, 2019 at 9:14 am #279215
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Velouria:

    “Every streetlight I drive under I see myself hanging from it”-

    how about you reaching out to that streetlight, taking it with you, directing it to your life and show me what you see: are you living alone, with your parents, with your fiancé? Are you working? What is that “worst version of” yourself when you are around your fiancé?

    And why would you want to put a wedding dress on that worst version of yourself?

    anita

     

    February 7, 2019 at 10:12 am #279227
    Mark
    Participant

    Velouria,

    It sounds that you are not resourced.  You are tired and sick.  It is very hard to feel happy and good about yourself in that condition.  What is your illness?  I hope you are addressing it toward better health.

    I’d start with taking care of yourself starting with your physical health and getting rest.  It would be hard to meditate and do yoga if you are sick and tired.

    Mark

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