Hi Tiny Buddha Family,

It’s been a while since I posted in this forum. I’m reaching out because I could use some support right now, especially from those who’ve dealt with disassociation or something similar to it. I’ve been going to therapy, and my therapist has instructed me to check in with my physical body 20 times a day—as in does my throat feel tight? Are my arms loose or not?… I have dealt with my pain and anxiety through disassociation for years. For these last couple of days, it feels like I’ve been introduced to a bright, new world; I’m not in zombie land anymore—or that much. While I can feel music vibrations racing through my skin, feel the cool breeze on my face a lot easier and overall feel more alive, I’m in a lot of pain. My throat is tight all the time, which I realize is anxiety and I’ll get panic attacks more because I’m making a conscious effort of not distracting myself. I understand that this is the pain I’ve repressed for years and that eventually, it will get better, but right now it just feels like I’m pulling out teeth as I check in with myself and sit through the anxiety waves. In short, I feel miserable but I know I can’t turn back. Has anyone dealt with this before? I’d appreciate any words of wisdom and/or support:)