Reflection on my year and a little confusion

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    This year has been so rewarding for me in so many ways. I had my devastating breakup and with it I learned to be in love with myself. The breakup turned out to be the best teacher.

    Now I sit here contemplating decisions that I am making on my own for the first time since I can remember. I have become a positive, light hearted person who people want to be around. I see the “friends” who I have nothing in common with fade away and new acquaintances who are adding to my life become better friends. Everything is coming together as I do self development and self nurture. i still get sad. I still cry. I still doubt myself but now I reel myself back much faster.

    One of the only things that has kept me thinking lately is my falling for a guy in a different country. I have done LDR before and it ended in June.

    This man is a wonderful friend. After my breakup, I made a list of qualities i wanted in a partner and this man has all of those qualities plus one big one. He is just like me. He is funny and child like just like me. We laugh so much. He wants to be with me and he wants to patiently wait for me as i am not ready for a relationship yet. I am especially weary about having another LDR. I know him and I will be together when I get accepted in school in Dublin but I still find myself keeping him at arms length. He knows everything about me and I know everything about him. He encourages me to be with myself everyday. He reminds (if I ever forget) to be positive and to stay in the moment. Everyday I get close to man and everyday I am falling in love with him.

    Has anyone ever felt proud when they fall for someone? i don’t know why. The more i fall for him, the more I feel like I am progressing in my journey of self discovery. I have never found anyone like myself attractive or interesting. The fact that he is kind and just like me, makes me love myself more.

    I didn’t write this to gush about myself (even though that’s exactly what i did). I wrote this to tell anyone struggling with a heart breaking, gut wrenching breakup, please don’t give up. Listen to the wise men and women on this site. Please look at yourself in the mirror and know that life is beautiful. I know that after my bad breakup that things happen in this world. Nothing stays the same. Everything changes. I don’t know if i will ever be with the man i want to be with but I know that even if things don’t work out…the pain will go away. Everything passes….

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