Hi Anita,

No, I’m not thinking it was my fault for the place being cluttered. What I have realized is that I could have dealt with it differently rather than leave it lie. I could have sat down with her one day and had a calm, collected conversation about getting things more organized and less cluttered looking rather than criticize. To the same extent, from the entire house being in shambles kind of debilitated me from wanting to take action. It was certainly not me that cluttered the place, it was like that before I even moved in. However, some of the cluttered and disorganized tendencies did transfer over to me in some areas of my life.

I am also thinking that yes, I would be okay with living with the dog. Perhaps communicating about a mutually agreed upon training method.

As far as the child goes, it seemed to me that she was mostly raising him on TV and video games. There were other things. Again, I did not communicate or initiate a conversation with my concerns.

All of my current feelings are coming from a place of hindsight. A place where I now know what to do if she were to call me tomorrow and want to get back together. Another problem is that I was in a full infatuation with her which I mistook for love. Mainly because I wasn’t educated in what love is or how to treat it. With everything that I have learned now, I am fully confident that it could work. However, it is too late.

It is very heart wrenching because I have never had a connection with someone like that before who understood me and accepted my imperfections as well as had similar plans of what we both wanted in our future. Not to mention her beauty, kindness, selflessness, and ability to inspire me.

In the end I was just getting so anxious and debilitated with the entire situation. I would get anxiety about the child getting hurt, etc.

I was very lost at the time.

Dear Anita,

The thing is that since I have left the situation some improvments have been made. The child now has to earn TV time and things like that. Some areas of the house are more tidier and clean. A big problem I had was having unrealistic expectations because my Mother was a stay at home Mom who kept our house in a very immaculate state. I wasn’t thinking clearly at the time where as now I feel I am.

The biggest problem was improper communication and I see that now. I am so regretful and miss the relationship very much. Statistically speaking I know I can’t forever be alone. All of my relationships have come about naturally in my day to day life, never through a dating site or other methods. I know that I will find someone else. I just don’t want to let this one go because of how amazing she is. I try my best not to hold on to the painful hope that maybe I could get back together with her in the future just to potentially be disappointed. We also rushed this relationship a bit. Didn’t take time to bond or really get to know each other. That played another big role in this down fall. We sort of got to know each other along the way instead of having conversations about who we are and emotionally connecting to one another.

I am sure I am dealing with a lot of jealousy as well. She has her ideal life at this point and she is content. I feel I have gone backwards in some of the biggest and simplest ways. I’m in a one bedroom apartment living on my own for the first time in my life. I no longer have a backyard with a bbq, I no longer have a partner that I was striving with. I am 25 and I acknowledge that life isn’t over but I can’t explain in enough detail how much I miss everything about this woman.

It’s just this simple to me at this point. If we got back together tomorrow I know exactly what to do and how to treat the love.

Dear Anita,

I am certainly open to that being the cause. I still can’t escape the hindsight of how I should have communicated properly and what I could have done differently that I would now know how to apply it to the relationship. The simple fact is that I have learned a lot since the break up and I certainly can’t imagine my life with anyone else. Her and I just came across each other and had so much in common including life aspirations. I can’t get her personality out of my head or how lovely she was. I have felt this way before but this is different because my previous feelings for people came from a place of lust….not common interests. This is the first real relationship where all of my standards were met in one way or another and I can honestly only blame myself for not taking more action towards balancing things out. People say opposites attract and sometimes it is a good thing. I was her opposite in some ways and I see now that as opposites you can balance each other out. I just never took the action really. Believe me, I do have my joyful moments of living alone. It’s not all anxiety. It’s not too bad and I even have some friends that live in the building and my family lives close by. Another big scare is that I feel there is a difference between dating a single Mother and dating a single woman. The last 2 years of my life have been the parent life and I am lost in this world now of childless dating. I miss everything about her so much and if we got back together I wouldn’t aim to fix her, just help more. I don’t know. I’m probably not good at explaining myself right now. I appreciate your replies though.

The current status is no communication. No phone numbers, Facebook, nothing. I went to her place last a couple weeks ago to say my final goodbyes to her and the child as being around them hurts too much and just reminds me more and more of what I have left behind. I have made attempts months ago to try and get her back. Perhaps not with such detailed dialogue as I have given on here but I did make attempts. It’s simple from her end, she doesn’t love me anymore and doesn’t trust me as a partner. She is also with a new man that she is more compatible with so I really don’t see things going in the way of us getting back together. At the very least not now or any time soon. At the same time I don’t want to hold on to hope or anything for the potential to get back together down the road as that will likely make me suffer more especially if it turns out that we can’t.

There has to be something I can do to get her back. Any suggestions? Steps to take?