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    My dating life has been up and down . I’ve had some relationships and also dated. Earlier this year I asked a guy who I had a crush on out and we went out, it was nice but it didn’t work out . He wasn’t keen to meet again . This crushed me more than I feel it should and months on , I still think about it . I have depression and anxiety and I keep re-living the rejection , wondering why I’m not good enough . For some reason this has really triggered something in my and reminded me of past rejections .

    I now can’t forget this person and keep going over everything in my head . I just can’t see anyone wanting to be with me .

    Any tips to forget this?


    Dear Kat:

    It hurts to be rejected and we’ve all been rejected; the guy who rejected you, he too was rejected by people. I wish people were more careful when dealing with people, to not cause unnecessary hurt.

    Having read your previous threads, you are about 32 now, and if nothing changed since Oct of last year- besides the pandemic, of course- you are still living at home, “in a pit of despair” (???)

    Please tell me more about your life, I want to know more.




    I am going to flip this to rational thinking. How much I admire you for having the courage to ask this guy out and trying. Have you told yourself how brave you were to simply try?

    Okay, so it didn’t work out. Now you are saying to yourself in your own head that you are not good enough. This is irrational thought or thinking. Flip that script and see this as a brave and smart thing to try. Instead of being stuck in this old beat myself up pattern of thinking, I want you to find something positive to say about yourself. I want you to get a spiral notebook or paper and pen and write down all of your strengths. Being brave is one, being brave to ask someone out on a date. When you ruminate on this one guy and one situation, counter that with something rational like “I was brave and I can do this again.” Take that mantra, that positive self talk saying, and write it down and put it somewhere that you can see it when you start with this ruminating. Tell yourself “Stop” or get up and do something else, go outside for a walk, exercise, pull weeds outside, anything. While you say stop, then say your positive mantra. Stop and then “I am worthy of love and will have a good relationship in the future.” The more you counter all this negative stuff, the more you will start to retrain your brain to have rational thinking. It will take you a month or more of saying this mantra, reading this mantra, every day and then one day, it will become automatic. To say to yourself that you are not good enough is self hate. As long as you beat yourself up, you can’t get going on anything else in life. To think that there is only one guy in this world that you will ever like again is nonsense. To make this one date a catastrophe and the end of the world, the end of your happiness is not rational thinking and only serves to make us more unhappy. You will have many chances. As long as you hate yourself and say mean things to yourself about yourself, it will be hard for any guy to find this attractive. Do you need therapy or to read some self help books? Are you so depressed that you need more than simply advice on here? I care about your mental health and want you to have a good life. These suggestions take work on your part but you will find happiness if you pursue happiness. I know you can move forward step by step.

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