relationship with wife

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    should i tell my wife everything? I am asking this because I had gay experimenting in the past. Does she need to know about this if I love her now I am totally straight? I am afraid that she will think I might be gay. Also I did the experimenting in my childhood when i was 13. Is it necessary to tell my wife? Is this part of the trust? Also should I have told my past girlfriends about this?
    Thank you



    You have nothing to be ashamed of, you were exploring! Perhaps there are attachments when it comes to sex, but we all look around in different ways before figuring out what we like and don’t like. If, for instance, when you were 13 you played little league baseball before deciding you would rather play basketball… would you be ashamed that you tried baseball and found out wasn’t your preference? Would you be afraid that she might fear you don’t really like basketball and dream of playing baseball?

    Its silly, I know, but don’t bother repressing it… you’re very ordinary. If she loves you, she loves you. It is easier share love between open hearts, which takes courage. If you don’t feel safe talking about it, don’t worry about it… maybe someday you will. If it ever comes up, just be courageous and honest. That will give her the easiest time letting go of any fears she has that she might not be enough for you. If you trust her enough to surrender all of yourself to her, then how could she doubt that you are her dearest love? And, if her doubts arise, you’ll already be open and heartfelt, which is perhaps what she will need from you.

    With warmth,

    David Goettsch

    I agree with Matt that you shouldn’t feel ashamed and shouldn’t repress your past, but I also have a little different opinion on the rest of the issue. Kenny, what you have to ask yourself is, what is telling her going to accomplish and who is it for? If you only feel the need to tell her because its something you need to get off of your chest, then I would maybe reassess why it is eating at you so much that you have to get it out. I’m not saying you should hide things, and as Matt said if it becomes an issue then definitely deal with it openly and honestly, but also you need to know whether it is worth bringing doubt into a situation when she doesn’t have any. If she has shown concern for you being gay in the past or has felt insecure about it, then it is an issue that needs to be handled. But if she obviously has faith in your sexuality and love with her, why rock the boat over something that isn’t even going to cause an issue in the future? I am all in support of honesty, but make sure it is something that you need to do, and know why its important for you to tell her. Otherwise i don’t really see a need to make her worry over something that isn’t a problem. Be honest and do what you need to do, but make sure you explore the deeper reasons for your concern in the first place. Just my advice from the little information you gave! Best of luck!


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