Firstly, I apologize for the length of my post! I need some outside input because I’ve been thinking about this for so long I’m just getting confused.

I’ve been in this career ‘situation’ for over a year now and I finally realize that something has to change. I’m unhappy with my job, I have no interest in what I do, I don’t aspire to have my boss’ job and I get this awful feeling every morning, thinking ‘I don’t want to go to work…’ I’m a lawyer and have worked in law for 7 years, got a job straight out of university. I never liked studying law, never had a passion for it, I don’t know why I even went to law school. I’ve worked in 2 different law firms, the government and now work in-house. Each time I thought it was the environment I didn’t like so I kept changing jobs. But about a year ago, it finally dawned on me that it’s me who’s not suited to the law and sitting behind a desk for 9-10 hours a day. I’m pretty good at it, it pays well and as far as a job can be secure, my job is one of them. But I just cannot do this anymore. I’m depressed, irritable, tired, bored. I feel like my work has no purpose, I just don’t care about it. Thinking of spending the next 30/40 years doing this, just kills me.

When I was 19 I picked up photography and have loved it ever since. Sometime during the last year I made a decision to pursue wedding photography. I just love being able to capture real moments, emotions, family relationships, all in beautiful pictures. I don’t feel depressed when I’m out taking pictures, it just comes so effortlessly. I started a business a few months ago and have already shot one wedding! The day was just amazing, I was nervous beforehand but on the day it all came together. I was so happy at the end of it, I couldn’t believe that I still had happiness in me.

But, building a wedding photography business takes time, at least two years until it can pay the bills. I am ok with this (and also ok with the real possibility that it may not even work out in the end). It’s just that I cannot spend another day in law. Spending another two/three years in the office job while building my business on the side is unimaginable. I will go insane and I really don’t want my health or relationship to suffer.

So I have been doing more thinking. Wedding photography is a short lived career for most photographers, so I feel like I need another career path alongside photography that I will enjoy and one that I can turn to if photography doesn’t work out. I was very good at art (painting) and I still remember my final year of high school when I mentioned to my parents that I wouldn’t mind going to university to study visual art. That was quickly forgotten as they told me ‘art is a hobby, you can do art in your free time.’ Lately I’ve been thinking of enrolling in an art education degree to qualify as an art teacher. I feel this is the perfect thing for me. I can do photography on the side but also enjoy my day job.

This seemed like a fantastic idea until I learned that to qualify to teach art I need to go back to university for 4 years! I’m 31 and so I’d be 35 when I finish. I will have to work part time while studying and 4 years of making just enough money to live on seems so long. I also have to move to another state to do this, and it’s more expensive to live there.

But with all that, I just know, deep down, that I cannot continue the way I have been.

Sometimes my job is ok and during these small moments I question all these plans.

I am scared that things won’t work out, I’m worried that after all is said and done I will have regrets when I see my friends earning the big bucks and I’ll still be on a junior teacher’s salary. I’m worried that if things don’t work out I’ll have to go back to law (and it might be hard to get a job after such a hiatus). I’m worried that I have wasted 13 years studying and working in law only now to change to something that doesn’t pay as well. I’m also worried that I won’t be able to find a part time job because of my qualifications and experience… Worried, worried, worried!!!

I’ve been pondering on this for more than a year and it’s time to do something. Deep down I want to make a change but fear is telling me it’s a bad idea. Fear tells me it’s better to stay. It tells me ‘hey, it’s not so bad and look at the money you’re making…”

Does anyone have any advice to give me? How do you chose between something stable that earns you a nice living and pursuing something that may or may not work out and in the end pay less??

Thanks 🙂