Self-Esteem woes in Relationship

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    My boyfriend and I started dating when he was a junior in high school, I am now 19 and finished with my first year of college and he just finished his senior year of high school. I went to a college near my own town, so I guess you could say over the last year my relationship was “long-distance.” It wasn’t like in high school, because we only got to see each other once a week. I’m not really sure if this is all relevant, I’m just giving a starting point! Anyways, over this last year….Things have gotten a little bit rough. The first year of college was very hard on me emotionally. I was dealing with not seeing my guy as much as I wanted to, and on top of that I was no longer considered one of the smarter people around. I did terribly (by my standards) and I just took hit after hit on my self esteem. Here’s the kicker: My boyfriend is practically a genius. He scored a 36 on his ACT (perfect score), about 10 points away from a perfect score on his SAT, and to top that off, he made it to the national tournament in speech – an activity in high school where we actually met. The tournament is going very well for him, and right now he is one round from making finals. My boyfriend just prances through life like everything is easy for him, while I am over here struggling and getting very depressed because it is really never ending. Indirectly, he has contributed to a lot of my self esteem problems. It’s not his fault that he does so well, it is just very hard for me to watch. However, there have been some times in our relationship where I just don’t feel wanted and really taken for granted. He won’t initiate hanging out, he just seems disinterested sometimes in what we are doing when we hang out, and I get the feeling a lot of the time I am a burden to him. We talked about this a while ago, and he did mention that my emotional struggles take a toll on him sometimes. I had been seeing a therapist, and things got better for a while. Until about this last month, where everything just seems to be falling apart. I am just confused on whether this relationship is worth it, even though I just feel worthless a majority of the time – not a lot of comes from things he actually does to me, just who he is as a person. I know this has gotten worse because before this year, I was a very happy person. I enjoyed life and I felt really good about myself. Now? Not so much. Thank you for reading.


    I can definitely relate to what your talking about.

    I’m a junior in college right now and every relationship I’ve had has been affected by issues of loneliness, isolation, and depression. My first year was especially hard because I had high expectations of meeting some of the best friends of my life, and I often dreamed of college being different than it turned out. I did not in any case, expect to feel as sad and lonely as I ended up feeling. I’m someone who enjoys meeting people, and I like to have GOOD, quality people in my life. Unfortunately, going to school out of state from high school, many people who I thought were quality people I am not longer close to. While I’ve met a lot of people, its always the guys I’m in a relationship with I end up feeling “know me” best or I can truly trust. However, my last boyfriend told me he couldn’t deal with my negativity, and as you said “it was taking its toll”. What your boyfriend doesn’t realize is that there are many challenges for some people in college. For the people that desire close relationships with people who really “get you”. I found people who were a blast to hang out with in college. They were what I wanted from friends. However, they did not treat me with respect, and I’ve encountered the same thing in these past couple years at school.

    What I can say is he is a person that is high on life while in high school. He enjoys being a big fish in a small pond where there isn’t a ton of competition, compared to the real world. Once your out here, there are certain things that might set you apart, but its much more difficult to be an arrogant asshole. Unless he’s super rich and his parents can pay his way… One day he might realize what its like to struggle. But if he doesn’t, and some don’t, I would advice you not to put up with it. Take it from me… Some things in life are easier to get through alone. You don’t want to constantly be worrying about this guy, or at least contributing to his over inflated ego by giving him this power. Right now he holds certain power because of his intellect, treatment toward you, and attitude to make you feel worse. I guarantee this guy knows nothing of the pain you’re experiencing. He is doing it because it makes him feel superior… Which seems to be a problem. Trust me, you want a guy who in this situation feelings SYMPATHY. I cannot stress how important that is in a relationship. If he is undermining your feelings in any way, get out. It is not you he cares about. If he did, knowing someone he loved was experiencing distress would cause him distress.

    I do wish you luck, I know how sad it is to realize one of the few people who you love, cannot sympathize or help you. But when people can no longer help you, sometimes those people are ones you need to let go. There will be other things, maybe not even a guy, but experiences once you reach them that will make you realize it was for the best.

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