Hi there,

Firstly, KNOW that you are doing much better than you think you are. You are stronger than you think you are and the fact that you are asking for help means that you are aware and wish to make changes. Pat yourself on the back for that.

Im not sure if something in particular caused this but say your best friend was going thru the same kind of feelings..how would you talk to him/her? Would you say the exact same thing that you’ve just told yourself? Put him/her down using everything you have just said? I hope not! And you sure are hell cannot put yourself down like this. You offer SO much more than you think, you will learn to believe it only when you start to give yourself some kindness. You dont need to be intelligent and attractive to be kind to yourself – start now!

There has to be things you at least slightly like about yourself, make a list of that (and tell us!) and go from there. I have (and we have all) felt what you are feeling but you cannot at any point, put yourself down so low. You need to max on your self-care now – eat well, exercise, be kind to yourself, hang around people who support and nurture you and perhaps even seek professional help. You sound like you are going thru some kind of depressive feelings (Ive been there) and you perhaps need to talk to someone about what caused this, get it out to find your strength and self-esteem.

The trick is to truly start to love yourself, be your best friend, nurture your relationship with yourself, take care of you….and soon, surely, you will start to glow from the inside out. I promise you this.

Take care and do feel free to write if you need. Keep us posted.

Lily.

Hi Ry,

Awesome that you have been doing the hard work and going for therapy…do you know how much courage and self-care this move takes??? I did it until very recently (and for over 2.5 years) and it is not a linear process – there will be times when it seems like you have gone all the way back and it will frustrate you. But on many days, you will wake up feeling light and invincible..until you start to feel and be that everyday. So dont let the 2 steps back worry you about the 100 forward you have taken.

I think that is where you problem lies – you arent treating yourself very well. It takes time (and Im still in the process) but you need to really, really appreciate yourself and know that you bring unique and special things to this world. You arent meant to be perfect, dont do that to yourself, dont put yourself in a place from where you WILL fall and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Appreciate the little wins, celebrate you and your life and try to do your best to ensure your mistakes dont hurt you or other. And that you learn from them. You are imperfect but SO SO beautiful on the inside out. Every decision, thought, choice you make should be towards protecting and nurturing yourself. This is the only way to thrive in a world that is ready at every step to crush us (so dont do it to yourself!).

How do you wake up each morning? What do you tell yourself? Tell yourself something kind and nurturing the moment you wake up, like a mother would to her child (because we all have an inner child). And its great that you write, keep at it. Write and write. You virtues and wins are way more important than those tiny failures (again, dont forget to learn from them).

And love what you have been given. To have life, healthy, family and to be able to work, go to bed, eat..they are all privileges. It is a blessing. Your body is a privilege and so is your height (want to try imagining for a few seconds as to what it would be like with your legs amputated and unable to stand up?). No need to compare because you bring unmatchable (yes I made that word up!) glory, joy and kindness to everyone around you. You dont need to be anything else. Just expand on this goodness.

Dont take yourself for granted because when you do, you disrespect yourself in the worst possible way. You are way worthier than getting that from yourself and hell, no body dare treat you with disrespect.

I understand your process, I was there not to long ago (I turned 30 just a month ago) but after a lot of work I can now say “I really, really, REALLY like myself” and mean it. And it shows in every decision, thought and choice I make today.

Dont give up on yourself. You are doing so well. In a year’s time, you will look at yourself and be amazed at what you see (and what you have accomplished). Keep me posted,

(Sorry if that was a lot of rah rah rah-ing) 🙂

Lily

Hi Ry,

Just wanted to check in to see how you are feeling today?Are you feeling any better at all? Dont give it, it’ll take a while but you will get there.

You are not ugly, my dear. You are a beautiful, unique person and all you are doing is trying to find your way. Be a little gentle towards yourself. We all have bad habits and this is yours – you have gotten used to using a language that hurts when you talk to yourself or think about it. That will change as long as you mindfully watch your thoughts – as soon as you have a self-hate/negative thought, mindfully watch it, for 90 seconds dont hook it to anything else (no “oh I did this/that, I am such an awful person/I am ugly, I cant achieve this”). Just watch it come into your head and gently slide away. It only stays with you if you attach/hook any feeling thoughts to it. Get the awareness back on track – it’ll be a bit difficult at first and you’ll feel like you are doing it all the time. But it gets better. I used to have thoughts that bothered me but now, even in the middle of the night (when they are at their worst) I can calm myself and talk to myself in a soothing, comforting tone and words.

Or another thing I do as soon as the thought comes in “Ah, there you are again thought that is trying to scare me about work/relationships/family’s health. I see you, I know you are there. Im sorry I cant entertain your right now because Im busy watching TV/doing the dishes/doing my nails. You can hang around if you like but I cant really entertain you. Ok, thanks!”. Haha, sounds funny but works EVERY time! Say it loudly if you are by yourself if you wish!

Oh nothing wrong with you at all! Not the slightest. But yes, try to watch your thoughts, how you speak about yourself amongst others and know that it takes time. You arent losing time, you are already ahead because youve noticed it and want to work on it!!! You are exactly where you need to be, no need to worry or hurry. You are right where you are meant to be, doing exactly what you are meant to be.

Good luck and keep me posted! I know in a few months, you’ll be telling us about how stronger you feel and how you are starting to admire yourself more and more – bet all my money (well, there isnt much!) on it 🙂

Lily.