Im with Moongal. You might be a white man with privileges but you really need to see how fiercely people who have nothing can fight their battles. Im not saying that all is right and fair in this world but you need to stop thinking that they are weak and cant protect themselves. Know that like you or myself (I am a brown woman from a third world country and consider myself extremely blessed too) they can fight their battles and perhaps with greater tenacity than we ever could. You being male or white or educated has absolutely nothing to do with it. They can hold their own and all we need to do is support them when it is wrong – we arent born to fight every battle, not even our own.

And dont forget to breath and take time to look after yourself. You cant save the world, we will only ever impact a handful of people or causes in our lives – lets try to do our best with that. Also, I couldnt help but thing..what is the underlying insecurity within you that makes you want to do all this to make yourself feel better?

Also, congratulations for being a good human being – you already are. Give yourself a pat on the back, the depth with which you think and feel..your desire to help end the disparities in this world is commendable. Very few who even think along these lines. Dont forget to look after and appreciate yourself.

With warmth your way
Lily.

Hi Kate,

Im with SueF on this one. I turn 31 in a months time and although I have never been married, I feel the lack of a loving relationship and any children that might come out of that. I have had other challenges in my 20s but I have worked thru them..but honestly, I have no clue most of the days as well. I face so much uncertainty and its hard to know what they next step is, if its right, if it’ll lead to what I want etc etc..

So there you go, I dont have it together too. I thought Id have had so much more at this age but I dont..and then I also do have amazing things that werent even on my list. And Im sure you do too. Just take the next step, do the best you can. When it gets too noisy, stop and find yourself and what your mind and heart truly say. Nurture yourself, your heart, mind and soul. Everything else will happen in its own time and for a fact, Im sure you’ll be happy with how it turns out (otherwise, you can always change stuff and do it again).

For now, look after yourself, what you have been through is hard and you dont need to do anything major now..just let yourself heal and the next step will present itself to you.

Cheers
Lily.

My dear girl!

How very young you are and how you dont enjoy what you already have 🙂 Stop stressing and enjoy what you have. The love you so need is within you because if you dont find the joy and love and calmness within you, I am sure you wont find the fullness with anyone else. You are so young, you have so much to learn, so much to grow (and so much pain to see, which is part of the deal called life).

So you have had the opportunity to study in so many different countries, meeting so many amazing people, getting all these brilliant internships and doing all these amazing thing thru your own effort…yet all of this loses value because at 22 you dont have the love you want?? Im sorry, but do you know how ridiculous that sounds???! Dear girl, give yourself a lot more credit than that-you are depleting your efforts and your self worth by not appreciating it! Forgive me but it IS selfish that you arent appreciating what you have – as one of the comments mentioned, you need to remember what you HAVE now are things people die to have. Education, opportunities, safety!

Find joy in your now otherwise you wont ever find it, no matter what you achieve. And with love, there is nothing wrong with you! You will find it when it is time and when you are whole on your own. Stop stressing, live and breath a little!

It is really up to you to snap yourself out of it and ask yourself what kind of a person you want to be – someone who prays for love and a man to ‘lure’ you (at 22!!!), is not happy with whatever she gets OR someone who wants to become a fuller human being, stronger, wiser with a life full of love (and love in so many forms).

Romantic love is just ONE form of happiness, it is sad to see you make the whole world out of it and ignore the other true blessing you have. You make the choice.

Warmth and peace your way
Lily.

Dear C,

Ah, I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling and what you are going thru. As a 30-year old, I can guarantee you that I have been thru this, know how you feel (way too many times!) and assure you that it.will.pass! You will get thru this and come out stronger at the end of this – no matter how it goes.

But first things first : you did nothing wrong here. I dont know him but if he says he needs the time, he needs the time. He obviously has a lot of things to deal with and I can understand that he is being distant and cold (doesnt make it ok thought). As a rule, something I have learnt is when someone tell you that they will hurt you or arent deserving of you – believe them! They are saying it because they see a definite potential of hurting you and it is not something you want to hang around to see if there is any truth to it.

But in the meantime, you need to take care of you. Surround yourself with friends and people who cherish you and love you. Try to do a little something for yourself every day, go out for a walk, eat healthy and nurture yourself. Watch DVDs that you like, make you smile. Paint, sing, draw…whatever brings you comfort. There will be tears but everyday will bring new strength and a teeny bit of joy that will start to add up and make a difference. You can wait for him or get on with your life, looking after yourself and becoming more of the person you are meant to be. Either way, when the time comes to have a conversation with him, you will be in a much healthier space to take a decision based on what is good, positive and nurturing for YOU.

You can do this, you really can. You will be ok. Just give yourself comfort, kindness, love and patience. You are not alone, we all know how this feels and you will get thru this. Keep me posted.

Warmth your way,
Lily.
Ps. Baggage Reclaim is an amazing website for you to check out when you feel ready. Nat’s words make so so so much sense and it has helped me so much when it comes to relationships, self-esteem and look after myself.

Hi Di,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this loss. It must be heartbreaking to lose someone who holds your heart and has been your partner and love. I dont have a great deal of life experience so I cant really offer much.

But I wanted to tell you that reading your post showed my how much of strength you have within you; the desire to grow and expand yourself spiritually and as a person is burning like fire; the peace you have found, the oath to never live by the ego is inspiring. Please dont stop this, please dont stop being you. Some people are not meant to be with you all the way through on our journeys, they severed their purpose at one point in time but they wont be conducive to our future and the brilliance we have waiting for us. This has been a hard lesson for me to learn – the girl who has forever been scared of being abandoned and losing people – this has taught me that it is ok to not have those people I dearly love around all the time. Im still on my path, I need to be on my path and KNOW that inspite of everything I have lost, what is out there, waiting for me, are gifts that will truly make my soul and spirit happy. What is out there, is better than anything I have ever experienced in the past.

Sending you warmth, kindness and light
Lily.