Hello Tinny Buddha Community,

It is 11:41 PM and I should be sleeping. But I feel like I should post since I have had heavy thoughts in my mind.

I will try to keep everything short.

Basically.. I am an Asian American 22 year old undergrad student, about to get my Bachelor’s degree in the end of the year or Spring.

I am an artist, volunteer, advocate, traveler, outgoing and crazy mind. A lot of the times I cannot keep my mind still, I’m always over thinking.

I am ahead of myself. Always dealing with the past and the future.. I try to live the moment.

I already have goals set for myself… After I earn my degree, I will study the GRE to get into a Public Health Program.

and then hopefully in time, be able to move back to Europe…where I feel home..
of course I live CA a beautiful state…but I want to see more.. When You have traveled so many places, its hard to get still.

Anyways.. going to my topic.. I have been feeling lonely sometimes. I am so busy with school, work, internships and volunteer work. I only have sunday to relax.

I get caught up and drive myself to insanity because I feel so lonely. And I tell myself I should be patient. Love will come to me again. I was engaged, and was inlove and he broke my heart.

Lover number #2 is European.. and distance is separating us apart but I will see him again for 20 days in the winter time

For some reason, Love isn’t working out for my position. I want it so badly but I don’t see it coming my way. I then think..is there something wrong with me?

I want love but a companion as well.. I had that with those two lovers of mine. People say…just be patient.. and then sometimes I want to cry because I feel so lonely..I have friends and family so I am not singled-out

There are so many things I miss.. maybe I do miss my old life in Europe. or…just miss feeling that love.

I try not to get distracted thats why I am doing so much.. and trying to focus on my goal in succeeding. One of the reasons why I did not want to get married so early because I valued my education.. and life is changing around me..your friends and family..anyways..

I got an internship to Washington D.C. from January till May. and I am excited to get away from California. and have a new experience.

Sometimes I Just want to cry, but I try not to because..others have more problems than me.. you know people suffering in war, etc.,

I think of myself as self-fish when I think of “I just need a man” or “I need love”
and then

Im stuck to the.. “I need to focus, focus”.. and I do… but then I’m back to the lonely stage.

I pray to the Lord, that one day..he will send me a prince charming to lure me in again.

or Maybe the Lord just wants me to make a difference in life, and help people out. Help people with my knowledge and experience once I am in PH and travel again…

I am scared to be alone.. everyone seems to have relationships and married. But I Know I will go somewhere in life, and have a career, achieve my dreams.. and maybe that lover of mine, will be right next to me. I just have to learn to be patient and not cry so much about it.