Many of you are going to think I’m a nut case, and I’m okay with that. I’m writing this because my hyper sexuality is accelerating at an insane pace and I can’t put on the brakes. I suffer from a lot of anxiety when my needs are not met, if I don’t get sex then I get very anxious and nervous. It sounds like narcissism but I do not think I’m that great as a person. I’m tall and physically fit like crazy (triathelete) but I do not have the “holier than thou” attitude. I love to talk to people and treat them with great respect. I have good relationships when I discover tolerable types though I’ve been reclusive for a few years now.

I’m 42 year old male today as of this writing. I was raised in a single mother household. I was 12 years old and had a tutor during the summer months. He was in his late 20’s at the time. The sessions were about an hour long, twice a week. I never touched him, and he was always clothed. He would have me sit on my hands, under my thighs, if I would move them he would pinch my arm and it hurt like hell so of course I sat on them. I never “played” with myself or did anything as a boy, I didn’t even know what it was! He would rub me through my shorts and make me hard, he would reach up my shorts leg and masturbate me until I ejaculated, it took less than 45 seconds and  I had no clue what the hell was going on. I thought this was completely normal! I was so dumb I thought it was part of the tutoring, this guy was so nonchalant about it, it was part of the process of learning math to me. He would do this at the beginning and the end of each session. I moved to the US from Germany when I was 3 years old, which means I’m uncircumcised. I also have phimosis (tight foreskin) which is very evident at youth. Many times I would ejaculate while he rubbed me and sperm would stay inside my foreskin and dribble out later, he did not like this. So it got to the point where my shorts were pulled down so he could control it and eventually restrained.

I thought this was normal and it never had an effect on me through my teenage years, it was never an issue. Just a strange way to be introduced to sexuality. This had the opposite effect as seen from other sexual abuse victims. I’ve been super horny every since and I feel no guilt. The problem is in career and life I have everything so calibrated and dialed in that I translate that into sexual performance. My athletic performance and diet is highly watched and it’s as if sex is another factor to measure. Of course partners think I’m an absolute maniac and bolt once the honeymoon phase is over. I’m confused as to is this part of the society we live in today? has the “metoo” movement made everyone a victim and all men are “icky”? Being European at heart, I always chuckled at the protestant behaviour of Americans, now it seems to be at extremes. Am I a hypersexed maniac living in the wrong time? I’ve been reclusive the past few years and all I do is loop spaghetti westerns and watch them over and over. I’m not really into porn, I drink 2 bottles of merlot a month, I have prescription valume that is like 6 years old. Not really dependent on those things.

Has anyone been through this before? what did you do to stop?