I’m having a hard time understanding the situation I find myself in. I am in long distance relationship of some sorts with a woman who is also dating someone else. She was honest with me from the start, but it was a combination of things: I didn’t realize how serious it was with this person; I was hopeful she would “choose me”; and I simply just wanted to feel good.

It’s been 7 weeks, but what we feel for one another is profound and significant. We started developing a very deep spiritual connection. The intimacy and physical things came later. We meditate together, practice yoga, and have conversations about higher existential concepts like energy and consciousness. She says she’s never done that or had that with anyone.

The thing that changed was a week ago, I named my feelings as love, and I started having doubts. So I spoke to her, I told her my doubts are around this other relationship she is in. I told her I feel very deeply for her, and that I am very much in this – which means I can get hurt (very hurt). Basically I want a monogamous relationship with her, but she can’t give me that. Fundamentally I think what she thinks is monogamy is different that I what I can offer. I sense she is fearful and she has expressed she “needs to work on things” Basically, she feels broken and damaged and maybe once believed in something that didn’t work for her, and she’d like to keep her options open. This arrangement deeply hurts me. But what hurts me more is this other person she is dating asked her to be her girlfriend, and she agreed. She said they are making “life decisions” together…

Basically I don’t know what to do. I want to just love her and be happy for her, but I can’t look past the poly arrangement. I want to let go and walk away, but I have all this love for her.

I need some perspective or insight how to navigate this, and I’m hoping someone can say something to ease my tender heart right now.