Hi Anita,

The last time we talked we discussed about that and for the first time she told me she wanted to come here but I refused the idea just because I felt desperation in her words like she wanted to come just for me not for her, like aware that she doesn’t really like the idea. To me it looks like in short term would be pleasant but in long term it might brings us a lot of pain. I can see her like as a withered rose here, married with the man she loves but feeling miserable at the same time. Furthermore I know she’s more attach to her relatives than I’m with mine (I just suffered for my mom and just one relative hurts a lot).

So, the only chance (just in the case) is me to go there. In her customs being together must to be for life so this is a one round ticket. I’ve no doubt about her but I’m worried if I’ll be able to stand there for life so far in a country so different from mine, assuming I can stabilise myself (employment, paperworks, etc). I’m really afraid about within a few years feel trapped in her country and I don’t want to be selfish and let her down if any of my worries show up.

I don’t want to be wrong and play around with her life but at the same time I can’t forget her real love and her good heart. This agony is killing me.

I know everything looks very complex. Thank you for your time!

I’m in the middle of thirty, and humbly I had several relationships in my life of different kind. Most of this girls are wonderful people, those relationships didn’t work, I accepted it, suffered my pain, wished my best for all of them and never looked back because I’m a resilient and positive person.

So I’ve experienced love in different ways with different personalities but I have never felt something like that before. Respect, support, goodness, concern, determination and admiration unconditionally, she made me feel peace all the time and enriched my soul but overall and the the most impressive for me is I never ever met someone whom understand me like her, it’s like she’s connected to my brain. And of course I’ve treated her my best and she has always proven to value it. We understand each other in everything and we connect like a good team from the mutual respect and love. I never felt all that before.

Perhaps in my life without her I might find other good girl even more beautiful physically than her as other girls I’ve met before… but honestly all that doesn’t mean nothing to me. Her inner beauty is something that I’m afraid that perhaps I won’t feel again in my life, it’s very hard to find.

She told me that was ready to fight for us, take the risk and face everything with me, that perhaps will be rocky and tough for her but at least we are together. Also in previous conversations in the past time she told me that doesn’t like my country (she was here with me once) and when you move abroad for love this is very important thing. Furthermore she ask me if she couldn’t resist here if she could come back to her country without resentment, so it confirmed to me that she wasn’t 100% sure about to come here… And of course if this scenario would be like that she would come back to her country with some years more and there a girl in the middle of the thirty, single or divorce it’s over and a great dishonour for the family. That’s why I rejected the idea because she need to have more motivations to come here, not just me.

So the only way to make it true would be me to go there but I’m too scared about being able to control those feelings of guiltiness because of my mom and can’t knowing if within ten or twenty years forward I won’t feel trapped in her country 6.700 miles from my country (this doubt freak me out a lot). I’m so scared to be wrong if I try to get her back.