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Should I get back with exGF

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  • August 28, 2013 at 11:15 am #41347
    Jack
    Participant

    My ex girl friend and I were together for 6 years, finally moved in together and then split. Our relationship was always in turmoil. I felt like she was always reacting or over reacting to me, my family and any perceived slight. I always hoped we would be together, but the last day we were together she got upset and started screaming at me which was pretty common for her. I told her she had to leave and we didn’t speak at all for 8 months. I had pretty much written it off because these things happened so often that the relationship was very stressful for me. I did miss her very much but resisted calling her because I just felt we would go down the same path. Well she called me one day and wanted to be just friends. I suppose at that time I could have said that’s fine if you want to talk on occasion or ever get a flat tire, but I didn’t and we ended up doing stuff together but nothing intimate. Since then we have been doing a lot of stuff together and she says she feels better being friends because she doesn’t have to worry about how I interact with my family or friends anymore and has no say in my life and that makes her more comfortable. I have never been unfaithful to her, even after we broke up; I just never had a desire to be with anyone else. Since we’ve been talking I realized how much I did care for her and told her that I still had very strong feelings for her, but I didn’t say lets sleep together or get married or anything like that. She said she just felt better being friends because the insecurity doesn’t come up or that’s what she says. She still seems obsessed with my ex wife and if I’m anywhere around her at all, she always hated my ex wife and perceived she was pure evil. I tried to interact with my ex as little as I could but we have kids so sometimes it’s hard. Anyway I do feel strongly about my GF and would like to see how things go and then tell her I would like us to be in a romantic relationship or I have to move on because it would be very difficult for me if she started seeing someone. My question is did she call me because she does want to get back with me and just being friends is the lead in or does she truly want to be just friends.

    August 28, 2013 at 11:44 am #41349
    Matt
    Participant

    Jack,

    Perhaps you could check with some psychics… they’re usually more than willing to read into destiny. Without hearing her side directly, there’s no information to use to aim (for me).

    In the meantime, to me it sounds as though she expressed a boundary, saying she just wants to be friends. It seems as though it is painful for her (for whatever reasons) to be in a relationship or a relationship with you. That is between her and her heart and mind.

    Being close friends with single women that we have affection for is very difficult. Are you ok? Is your self esteem alright? I wonder what might be preventing you from trying to connect with a woman who is interested in you romantically… sometimes we get “hooked” on unhealthy relationships because we think we don’t deserve better. You seem warm and caring, which are qualities that are well appreciated by partners, usually. She seemed a little emotionally abusive before the breakup, are you sure you want her back? Did you grieve the loss last time or just distract yourself?

    With warmth,
    Matt

    August 29, 2013 at 9:21 am #41393
    Jack
    Participant

    Interesting take on that. I guess we’ll see, as much as I would like us to work out I think it would take considerable effort on both of our parts to not react to each other. I had resolved myself to it being over and it really is a bit like pulling the scab off. I know I’ll have to go through the same thing in a few months because, I don’t want to go through life alone and she doesn’t either. I guess we’ll either be on friendly terms or get back together. Being friends just seems like a recipe for heartache.

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