Dear ferion:

This is tough, the situation you are in, the predicament, the conflict. What to choose: the hateful situation you were in or the potentially hateful situation you will be in? The known misery or the potential misery?

If you choose the known misery: you will be hearing your boss’s voice every day for six months, editing those real estate ads. If you chose the potential misery, you may be unemployed for as long as a year or more, unknown period of time. During that time, you don’t know how life will be for you. You will be looking for a job and … you may even settle for another hateful job.

The price to pay with the first option is the Known misery (and some security). The price to pay for the second is the Unknown.

I wonder how you handled the unknown so far in your life, to get a clue as to how you will handle the unknown in the second option. How has your anxiety level throughout your life, at different times?

anita

Dear ferion:

Then without psychotherapy, without developing skills to calm yourself, without a significant social support (a good available and very involved friend/s, partner, etc.), you will have a very difficult time with the Unknown.

Maybe you should get that job back.

What do you think about my comment about psychotherapy, skills and social support: what is the possibilities with these?

anita

Dear ferion:

As to your last comment about you whining: significant anxiety (excessive, ongoing fear, usually since childhood) is not whining. It is real suffering and should not be minimized- not by your “support system” (not supportive if minimizing your difficulties) and not by you.

Fear is a powerful emotion and so, it needs to be addressed seriously. The skills I mentioned are such as meditation: moving meditation for the very anxious. It is also called Mindfulness. It is a way, over time, to move away from over thinking, being in your head most of the time- to relaxing in your whole body. For example, if you do slow yoga, or Tai Chi, you move deliberately, slowly, attentively (not automatically, rushing) and this slows down the over thinking brain.

Mindfulness is the skill where you pay attention to your level of anxiety and attend to it, for example by taking a fast walk which makes you feel better, or drinking hot tea. If you don’t pay attention, the anxiety keeps going and going.

There are ways to intervene, to interrupt the anxiety.

These skills (emotional regulation skills would be, I think, the professional term) will help you in which ever option you choose.

So you cannot look for a job during the six months if you sign a contract for those six months? In that case, like you wrote, you will be in the same situation then that you will be now. But maybe with more saved money? And there is the slight possibility of the economy improving by then?

Of course, the economy could be worse in six months.

By the way, you are very harsh on yourself, judging yourself negatively, calling yourself stupid and such. This just ads to your anxiety. It will help you a whole lot if you are gentle, patient and kind to yourself!

Is there anyone- in your family/ friends- who is gentle, patient and kind to you? I mean not by offering you food, but by really listening to you, letting you know you are valuable, that what you feel matters and is valid?

Will be back to the computer in a couple of hours. Hope to continue the discussion with you.

anita

Dear ferion:

Leaving that job was “the first ACT of my will that i did in many years”- you feel very strongly about that job, not wanting to go back there. I think you shouldn’t. If indeed your mother is emotionally supportive of you, well at least you have her then. Don’t go back to that job then. You feel too strongly against going back there.

Your feelings do matter. Your aversion to going back to that job is loud and clear. And it is not such a great income producing job and of no value regarding building for a better future career as I understand it.

I vote for not going back to it.

Instead, manage your anxiety best you can, way better than you did before. And look for some other way to produce that kind (or better) income.

And by the way, your mother is fortunate to have a son like you. I am sure of that.

anita