hello Tiny buddhas
i am a new member in this forum although im a huge fan of the website and i always come here for inspiration when life is tough but i never really posted something and today.. i think its the day

so i’m having a really hard time dealing with a friendship right now this person is actually supposed to be my best friend i’ve known her since i was super little, we’ve been friends for so long, so long that i dont even remember how we met.

Our friendship actually grew stronger when we were set randomly in 8th grade together in the same class and we actually grew to know each other better and honestly we clicked i was so comfortable with her and we were really best friends we shared everything and we had inside jokes together and everything was so perfect as i said before i was really feeling comfortable we used to do everything together and tell each other together. now i am a very shy person in reality and i don’t feel at ease with people in the beginning i am also not so confident about myself and this kinda has an impact on my grades but once i was with her my grades got better and better not because she was helping me or something its just because i was genuinly happy with everything and i knew i had a great friend by my side.

Anyways that was back in middle school.. our relationship was at its spike and i miss those moments more than ever
when we got to high school we were still ”best friends ” but not really like we used to be not like anything showed but the level of the friendship kinda lowered and i also remember that she forgot my birthday but i didn’t really get mad at her because she told that they were busy and they had a lot of stuff going on so i didn’t really make a big deal out of it.

We got separated in the second year of high school (in my country we only have 3 years of high school) because i pursued a science branch and she chose the mathematic branch so now we aren’t the same class anymore and i can’t explain to you how depressed and sad i felt. i felt like a piece of me was taken away, i felt like i was alone, i felt like it was the first day of school where you don’t know anyone all over again now keep in mind that i knew all of my classmates and they were my friends also but they weren’t her like it was totally different we used to be together and doing everything together all the time none of us did anything on their own.. it was always the two of us and then i just found myself alone. i suffered from anxiety and depression and i spent a lot of time crying and at the mean time i saw her and it felt like she didn’t care. like yeah we were together all the time and stuff but now we’re not and thats okay and it really hurt me because i felt like she didn’t bother so i decided that i shouldn’t really feel all sad and miserable especially since she wasn’t feeling like that at all and i decided to move on i became really close with one of my classmates who is now my closest friend and i became more confident and i started gaining better grades ( sorry for talking a lot about grades but i’m kind of a gunner so they’re really important to me haha ) and now THE TRAGIC PART
its not like we weren’t talking during that period of time but we were kinda distant because we didn’t get to see each other that much and one time out of no where she stopped talking to me and i really had no idea why i called her and she didn’t answer me i sent her messages and nothing and when i met her i tried to talk to her but we got in a huge fight and she said i did something to her which i had no idea of and when i told her to tell me what i did she just told me that i had to figure out myself and she said really mean things to me now that i think about it like i was playing the saint when i told her that i don’t know what she was talking about and she said stuff about me being distant and when i told her that the same thing goes for you she told me not to try and inverse the roles.. we never got in a fight and that was pretty big. i also came in as the bad guy in the story.. the one who did something to her .. and till this day i have no idea what it is.

And we stopped talking.. for a whole month.. we used to pass by each other and actually act like strangers as if we never knew each other.. until she came and talked to me after spring break..she didn’t say sorry she said that she didn’t like this situation and that we can’t keep being apart like that and we said that from now one things will be okay between us…

But they never got okay… we were just acting in front of each other … the air was cold between us… something was wrong but we were faking it.. all the time… something was up. but none of us spoke… none of us did anything about it.

I’ve ALWAYS talked to her and tried to convince her to tell me whats wrong i’ve always tried to tell her to sort things out that indeed something was up and we couldn’t just fake it like that.. but she never tried hard

Now.. We’re both in college, my score in the senior year exam gave me the chance to attend a prestigious school.. and hers was lower than mine but she entered a military science school i don’t know if you know what i mean. and she comes once a week to her house. and as i said back in february i sent her a msg and told her that i really missed her.. a msg out of the blue and we started chatting over text and i really felt like we were starting to sort things out and i told her we should meet and talk about everything and we should try to make things workout because our friendship is stronger than that and she was okay and we were both really excited for the meeting it was supposed to be on a saturday. And on friday when i told her over text ‘ so what time tomorrow’ she told me actually i can’t theres another thing scheduled and i felt extremely sad at that moment , sad and heartbroken as if like i said before am the only one who’s willing to make our friendship live again. i only responded with an ‘oh, thats okay maybe next time ‘ and we havent talked ever since.

I don’t want to be needy or push things, i mean i feel like she don’t want me in her life and my family ( who are always supportive of me) told me that i should stop caring about this and move on because she’s clearly not as interested as i am to make a move. I dont want to send her another msg and look like i’m desperate without her which i’m not i have really loving friends right now.. but i still consider her as my best friend after all that happened. I don’t want to be the only one who’s fighting for US . like why doesn’t she make a move to talk to me or send me a msg ?

What do you think ? Please help me and sorry for the long message.