Home→Forums→Tough Times→Should I stay or should I go
- This topic has 4 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 4 years, 6 months ago by
Machele.
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March 6, 2020 at 2:49 pm #341844
ChezParticipantFirstly bit confusing how to start topics so it may appear twice ☺️
For as long as I can remember, I always felt my life is like a rollercoaster , I’ve suffered loss, divorce illness but always tried to change my prospective on the issue
I follow Eckhart Tolle who has helped a lot with observing my emotions rather than let them rule me but I’m sitting here completely lost and looking for advice from someone who doesn’t know me .
Another relationship has broken down, also I bravely took a new job after 15 years in my old one, which unfortunately hasn’t worked out, I dont like it at all and feel bullied most of the time , debts are mounting and I have a feeling of real unhappiness and anxiety every morning I wake up.I have the opportunity of moving , my son was planning to move in with his GF this year , my daughter who I’m extremely close to , may be moving to London , my sister is moving at Xmas near to where I’m thinking of going ( by the sea ) and also I have equity in my house so I can be debt free . My issue is , am I upheaving my life ( and dog) to run away from my unhappiness
I don’t want to be like tortoise and take the pain with me on my back and end up lonelier than I already feel or should I use the feelings to push me to change my life when I’d normally be to scared to
Advice gratefully neededMarch 6, 2020 at 3:11 pm #341850
AnonymousGuestDear Chez:
Moving makes sense because as is, “debts are mounting”, but once you sell your house and move, you will be debt free. You will carry some pain with you to your new place, but not the pain of being in debt- less pain to carry with you.
Plus, if you like the sea, listening to the waves crashing on the shore as you walk barefoot on the sand, if you enjoy it, will make you feel better, especially if you make a routine of it; maybe taking a daily fast walk (aerobic exercise) on the shore or elsewhere, will make you feel better every day.
Because your son is moving with his girlfriend and your daughter is planning to move as well, this is a perfect opportunity.
With no debt and the sea, you can do the inner healing work that you need to do.
“I always felt my life is like a rollercoaster”- I would like to read more from you about the rollercoaster life you’ve had, how and why. If you’d like to share, of course.
anita
March 7, 2020 at 12:31 am #341952ChezParticipantI’d rather not share personal details , but I’ve been in some of the darkest places I’ve known , due to external circumstances- I still have bad days but I have the tools to manage them now . My daughter has a few health issues and one of the reasons for staying is to be near her, she finishes an apprenticeship in may and is thinking of London to live as her friend is there and it’s more lively for her . My son and her just want me to be happy , I have felt an unwavering responsibility for my children even as adults , to the point of jeopardising my own happiness . I’m just so scared that I’m running away and not facing my problems
I will change job that’s a certain , I may find happiness in a relationship at some point , but at the moment I’m just existing as I cant afford to do anything but pay bills. I will be using equity to rent , ill still have a deposit for another house but a smaller one ,I want to enjoy life now but I’m so scared of making the wrong decisionThankyou for your reply btw
March 7, 2020 at 7:13 am #342008AnonymousGuestDear Chez:
You are welcome.
* In the past, you were afraid to leave a job you had for 15 years, gathered the courage, hoping for a better future, left that job, but the result: you ended up in a job that you don’t like and where you feel bullied most of the time (“I bravely took a new job… I don’t like it at all and feel bullied most of the time”) –
-your bravery didn’t pay off and resulted in a worse job experience.. so bravery is not always the right choice.
* As a result of relationships ending in your life, a divorce before, and “Another relationship has broken down”- you are lonely, but you are afraid that if you move, you will end up even lonelier, in a worse social situation (“end up lonelier than I already feel”).
It is possible that you will be lonelier if you move.
* “one of the reasons for staying is to be near (daughter)… My son and her just want me to be happy, I have felt an unwavering responsibility for my children even as adults, to the point of jeopardizing my own happiness”-
– from personal experience I know how important it is for a child (minor age and often adult age as well) to see her/his mother happy, it is almost crucial for a child to see her mother happy and devastating to see her mother miserable.
If your daughter and son are aware that you are and have been unhappy and lonely for a long time, and if you moving means that your daughter/ son will see their unhappy mother less often, it may be better for them if you do move. In other words, if you moving will lead your children to think that you are happier as a result, then your move will be the right choice for you to make.
anita
June 17, 2020 at 9:45 am #358798
MacheleParticipantWhat do you think is causing your unhappiness? Make a list. You had mentioned that your life has always been a roller coaster…what if that is totally normal? What if that is the sign of a life well-lived? Life often happens in the mess and that’s how we get to know each other. I’m happy to help give more advice. Can you answer the below?
1. What is causing your current unhappiness?
2. What would have to change in order for you to be happy?
Best,
Machele -
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