Should we give it another try?

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    I have been agonizing over a path to take…

    I divorced 14 months ago and we’ve remained in contact ever since, so even though we tried to let each other go at different points, we never really separated and remained emotionally attached in some regard. Our relationship lasted 16 years and we were married 12 years. I still love her, she loves me, she wants to give it another try. I can’t decide if we should or not. We divorced for two main reasons, one of which is resolved, and another which is unknown and will remain unknown unless we give it a try (the sex was never good enough for me). The sex was terrible for both of us in the end because she felt no emotional connection, and I didn’t find her attractive. It’s so strange to me because I find her attractive now but have no desire to have sex with her, I don’t know if it’s because we have little emotional connection anymore, or because of all my memories of bad sex with her.

    I have agonized over this decision for over 2 months and am at my wits end. I have had therapy, talked to family and friends, writing in a journal, and have actually read every single article relating to this on tinybuddha and on many other sites. I quit my job 3 weeks ago to fully focus on searching my feelings and thoughts to arrive at a decision. I started meditating a few weeks ago as well. I still have no answer that I feel good about. I go back and forth between thinking it would be a great idea to thinking it would be a terrible mistake! I’m so sad. I used to be even worse though so I feel like I can make a sound decision, I just am sick of constantly going back and forth and don’t know what else to do.

    This is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. I recently spent 5 days with her hanging out and everything went well.

    I know none of you can make this decision for me, that’s not what I want, but I’m hoping maybe there is a question I should ask myself or something you can offer that might help me or offer some insight?

    It’s not an easy decision because one of us must reorganize our entire life to give it a try, and most importantly we don’t want to waste another few years of our time.

    She is my best friend <- MOST IMPORTANT
    I love her
    I see a future with her
    Feel she is my equal
    Like her brother and brother in law
    Love her nieces

    Feeling like something is missing still
    Too much pressure to make a decision, I can’t be myself
    I’m hesitating, not a good sign
    Always felt something was missing, wanting more, I was settling, even before we were married
    Pressured into being married, and pressured into making a decision now
    Felt no chemistry when I last saw her
    Am not sexually aroused by her (bc history or current situation maybe?)
    Hate her career
    Dislike her parents and sister
    Puts little importance on looking her best

    traveling, same place in life, wants family, similar life goals, income, intelligence, morals, saving, diet


    Dear Locutis,

    I applaud you for staying strong, positive and also, trying your very best to rationalise and find some peace within yourself.

    Well, I believe your subconscious already have the answer but your conscious mind is trying to suppress the voice because of the fear of reality and coming to terms with it.

    Try recalling, What was the reason that you decided to marry her. perhaps too, take some time to ask her the same question. You or both of you, will come to an answer.:)

    Life is impermanent and Life is a series of moments. Forming happy moments or sad ones, you decide. If she fades away from this world, would it matter to you? Go back to the point that both of you made the decision to be together. That could be the strength that both of you just need right now. 🙂

    I’ll be praying for you. Namaste.


    Question to ask yourself: Do I want to be married at all?

    More insight here
    Which I found after reading this
    Looking for it to post here I came across this

    I wish you peace.
    Sorry if this seems abrupt. This is my third time trying to post. I put in HTML tags the first times, now just trying to get it out.

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