- This topic has 5 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 2 months, 2 weeks ago by Anonymous.
July 2, 2021 at 10:04 am #382286EmilyParticipant
Just wondering here if anyone has experienced something similar or has some supportive advice to give.
I am having a real difficult time with shutting down emotionally and mentally when my partner is saying unnecessary, comments that can at times hurt my feelings to me. We do love eachother, at the moment we are struggling through some communication blockage (we are both head strong and stubborn for opinions). I immediately shut down, walk away and harbor everything negative and angry that I feel – which then will most times explode later with the dumbest trigger (leading to more problems). I don’t know how to manage this, to stop shutting down, getting so in my head about it. With that, he will come over to me and try to reverse the situation and I just for some reason CANNOT LET GO! Like I am stuck in this negative mindset, and I know that it is so trivial at times why I get mad- but I just feel like I am holding on and staying negative. Like he tried to make it positive again, but I feel so much and don’t understand why it is so difficult for me to regain some positivity.
So if I sound crazy, I am sorry or maybe someone can understand.July 2, 2021 at 10:07 am #382289Sarah Jeanne BrowneModerator
I am wondering if these comments are actually emotional abuse. You may be experiencing that and not know it. If your partner is not willing to change these, maybe see either a) couples therapy b) bring an outsider in and explain both views and get their opinion c) set up boundaries (you talk to me like this, I will walk away) or my recommendation d) leave the situation.
If you are both stubborn, it sounds like he is gaslighting and victim blaming you to make you think you’re also the problem. If someone is emotionally abusive, it’s not a communication struggle within the relationship. It’s abuse. You need to ask a therapist about the red flags and signs (or look them up yourself).
Hope that helps!July 2, 2021 at 11:44 am #382313anitaParticipant
“Like I am stuck in this negative mindset… holding on and staying negative. Like he tried to make it positive again, but I feel so much and don’t understand why it is so difficult for me to regain some positivity”- some people get angry and stay angry for a long, long time, getting stuck in anger; others get angry, then shortly after, they are no longer angry.
I used to belong to the first group and suffered a lot for it. But I did the work I needed to do.. and to my surprise, I now belong to the second group, which makes my life much easier!
Once angry or otherwise distressed, it takes some time before being able to return to baseline. It is important to spend as much time as possible at baseline, that is, in a state of relative emotional calm and clarity. There is a way to train your brain and body to shorten the time it takes to return from distress to baseline. If that makes sense to you, let me know, and we can discuss this further.
anitaJuly 2, 2021 at 9:13 pm #382325EmilyParticipant
Wow!!! You have completely enlightened me! I am so grateful for you response. ” There is a way to train your brain and body to shorten the time it takes to return from distress to baseline.” This spoke to me….the baseline, back to a calm, positive and functional state is what I have such a hard time getting to. I fall into that same category…staying angry, getting to a distressed point wayyy too easily and letting my emotions get the better of me . I would be so happy to discuss further how you moved to the point of calmness and evaluation of what actions to take.July 2, 2021 at 9:34 pm #382326anitaParticipant
I read your recent post of 10 minutes ago, and will be back to you in about 9 hours from now.
anitaJuly 3, 2021 at 1:56 am #382334AnonymousInactive
Hello my friend.. My name is Wind..
I share some mix of ideas with you.. I only invite you to curious and contemplate ideas.. After share, everything depends you..
Trouble comes in many appearances.. But root cause is always the movement of emotions attached to the appearance of each situation.
From what from example….. 12pm you feeling happy.. 2pm, you angry… 6pm your cry… 9pm you happy… etc..etc…
All emotions move to follow the time.. Like a circle.. always spinning from one to the next.. On the time happy begins, means on the time sad appears… though the appearances of each situation may change, the nature of emotions is always equal.
Overcome the emotion and you will overcome yourself.
Sometimes, everyone did not see that everything outside of them is an object.. Whether it is your husband, your car, a painting on the wall, a teapot.. The common Law that they all share is they each have the space and the time.. Including your body.
If something is outside of you, means it is not you. So why do you invite the behavior of an object outside to inside.
You see emotion attacks emotion…until everything reaches a point then as you share, everything explodes = Of course. Then after is what? You so tired.. and return to the start and the movement from emotions begins again.. back to the beginning of repeat.
My friend, long time before I awakened to self enlightenment I would reflex with everything. Everything that took place outside, I would build the bridge and invite it inside.. It was my mistake until I developed the skill to only observe each object, but not follow or invite the behavior of each person inside.
Each person is responsible for their own behavior. You can not control the behavior of others but you can begin to win yourself back and break the habit from keeping. Keeping emotions attached to situations or the past become a quiet prison for the Soul.
As, what you keep, keeps you. Anytime you are full of emotion in the form of anger, you volunteer your Soul into the Hell.. And what many did not realize to understand is that when you full of emotion in the form of Happy happy, you also are in the Hell..
Only the appearance changes.
To much left… means, on the time.. too much right. Is equal.
It requires courage to put everything down. To cut the strings of emotion attached to a situation. To practice, finish situation means finish emotion with situation. You can observe within yourself. When awareness comes late, and emotions always lead.. many troubles appear.
Awareness means we practice to see inside and outside at the same time. Sometimes you feel the big emotion coming, but from habit you always follow it like the good slave. Means, any emotion that begins in you or your husband is the boos of your behavior.
Remove the judgement and discrimination within yourself in each situation.. This person says this or that.. You must try only observe the object do this or that. It requires courage and skill. To see the emotion but not follow.
To balance in any situation required consistent regular practice to clean and clear everything inside in each moment.
Only you and your husband know each other. You come together on the Law of cause and effect from emotions. The difficulty you have together is also an occasion for you to practice to grow up your Soul and awareness and begin seeing and understanding the laws of emotions. Otherwise, together you can never escape the spinning wheel of repeat and lost so much time.
My friend, you share you do really love each other. Means, you must help each other to overcome difficult situations. Come back to the basic of share and talk together the friends. Open everything. Sincere. No wrong or right. But, look for the way you both can break the habit of behavior of attacking each other. Keeping emotion is the prison of any Soul.
Shut down is the effect of keep. If we always depend on our emotions to share together and always depend on the happy feelings to save us, we can never escape the small limit. As each emotion has limit. Always begin and end.
Anger, is the Hell for the Soul my friend. The effects from anger are like seeds that over time will produce effects. Not only is it important for you and your Husband to find the way to overcome negative actions and behaviors that erode your relationship, but to also keep growing and discovering your life.
When you are angry, or the man or the dog, or the baby… Is all equal. All come from emotion. Always from follow habit.. As there are many choices in each situation, but why does angry come so easily and fast in everyone? From habit my friend.
Practice to overcome the emotion and return to balance is a difficult practice for any people in the life. If you and your husband can begin see everything from another corner. It is a good occasion to discover new possibilities together in the way of communicating together. This is also difficult for the man, as they often confuse gentleness with weakness. But only the man who can gently in each situation is truly strong.
Finish situation means, finished emotion with situation. That is a way to begin practice.
You can if you choose to also use some time to begin discover some meditation. As the gentle practice of meditation can help you to clean and clear everything inside you keep and hold. As in meditation we become observers. It could be a good time for you to begin discover. As the practice brings the spinning back to stillness. Quiet inside. In stillness and quiet means in the absence of emotions and feelings. Come back to the house of awareness within.
My friend, sometimes when difficult situation appears, we are fast to judge and discriminate. To call it bad or this and that.
But in every situation there is always the opposite face. In all good, there is always bad, and in all bad there is always good. That is the 2 spaces of the life. Always an opposite. Remove the discrimination form only being attached to the appearance and you will see that within all difficult situations is an occasion to grow up our awareness and discover.
Only you can destroy you or save you. Words, can not save you. But if you focus on the nature of ideas, the essence and not the appearance.. You can begin clearing and cleaning the inner obstructions that keep you a prisoner within yourself.
Saying you understand and know.. Is of no value what so ever. The value only begins to appear in your life when you begin to take sincere action.
The life is always moving and changing. When our lives become like stagnant water inside, we, like water, begin to become polluted inside. Keep going, face to face with everything. Sincere in each step. Within any relationship there are stages. Changing from one stage to the next often comes with troubles until everything opens. If you really love each other, then the way will appear if you are together in the same purpose.
You have a duty with each other to try and help each other see and overcome the difficulties that cause negative effects in both your lives. And.. If trouble and behaviors continues to fall into darker places, then you must courage to stand up inside and take the correct action.
One day.. if you have the courage now to begin gently and patiently practice to see, cut and put down your emotions attached to any situation.
Anger will become like a small Island you escaped that held you prisoner for countless lives.
A bird in a cage is an example of each Soul in a cage that is a constant slave to the appearance of all emotions.
Do not keep my friend. Love and forgiveness are one. The life always takes place from within. Do not lose the purpose of your life which is to grow up your Soul and overcome everything to discover new corners of the life. That is your duty.
Your life is the appearance of your effect. So.. careful in Each behavior, each idea, thought, action.. as each are like seeds for tomorrow.
And…On the time, everything appears.
These are only ideas… I only share like strange rocks on the path of your life. To see, pick up, curious, understand and practice is always your free choice.
Free = No keep.
I wish you and your husband peace.
Thank you so much,