fbpx
Menu

sister sister

Home→Forums→Relationships→sister sister

New Reply
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • May 8, 2018 at 6:17 pm #206373
    Vanessa
    Participant

    I am truly struggling right now. I hurt deep in my heart. My sister broke up with her bf of 8 years. she ended up moving back in with my parents. Which was right next to her ex at the time. she has a son who is 7 years old. I have no children. My nephew means the world to me. I invited her to move in with me. I live in a 2 bedroom house with 2 dogs and 2 cats. my boyfriend is a truck driver so he is rarely home. When she moved in she came with her son and her dog. I did everything i could to support her. i took care of her son. I got him on the bus every morning. I also took care of her dog. she never bought food or toilet paper or anything for the house or even dog food for her dog. All I ask of her was to keep the house clean and heal. about 3 weeks after moving in she got on tinder and got a bf. Which is fine everyone is different with how they deal with love and hurt. this is when things changed she took everything and expected it.  She started to lie to me. she started having to borrow money all the time and never pays it back. I find receipts in the trash she has spent 100 bucks on underwear at freaking Walmart.  This bf lives an hour away and she drives up to see him 5 out of 7 days a week. Now don’t forget she has a son. I am his main caregiver now. she has run off to her bf. Her son starts having trouble in school. she is never with him. she would leave her dog her dog with me who was a pitbull puppy he chewed many things in my house including my 1600 couch. I was kind about it.  This new by she has is only a year clean from drugs and doesn’t have a licence yet she lets him drive her car and her 7 year old son. oh and she lied and told everyone he did have a license.  she never kept my house clean she never pd back money she lied to me. she took and took and took and i have finally said enough.  I told her I cant take this anymore we don’t talk. At family gatherings  her and her bf and cruel and make comments about me and my bf where i can only hear them. I am struggling. everyone is tired of hearing  me complain. i cant talk to my mother shes into getting involved and I don’t want her too. My bf has done more than enough of listening and gets frustrated and mad. My best friend my sister who I used to talk who i gave money a home and lobe is being mean and cruel with this horrible bf. I feel alone. I feel hurt. I have given too much of myself away to people who broke me. How to move on? I will see her and her and her bf will be mean and cruel. I want to be the better person, I have been the better person. I am struggling.

    May 9, 2018 at 5:32 am #206465
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Vanessa:

    How is your relationship with your nephew, your sister’s son and how is it affected by the bad relationship with your sister?

    If there was no issue of a relationship with your nephew, if it was just your sister, I would suggest to have no contact with her whatsoever.

    You wrote: “I have been the better person”. Unfortunately, being the better person to a .. bad person, is not a good thing. Unfortunately, it is not a good thing, this is why you are suffering.

    When a person mistreats you, misuses you, takes advantage of you, you are not being a good person for allowing her or him to do those things to you.

    Plus you don’t get points for it.

    I hope to read from you soon.

    anita

    May 9, 2018 at 5:40 am #206467
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Vanessa,

    This may be hard to believe but your sister being cruel is an indicator of GUILT. Yes, guilt. She knows very well that you took care of her son, that she owes you money, that she’s a slob and that the boyfriend doesn’t look good on paper. It eats at her that you gave her a huge blessing of insisting that she move into your home. And that she blew it. And that you had to kick her out.

    Your sister is feeling shame. She is feeling guilt. Her only defense? Act meanly to put you in your place so you two are on an equal footing at last!

    My suggestion is that you take a break from family gatherings for a year. Next year arrive late, leave early, and be surface-y polite with your sister. Hopefully by year two or three she will have another boyfriend or the bad habit of bad mouthing you in your hearing will be broken.

    As for holidays, have them at YOUR house. The sister won’t show up, and if she does, she is more likely to hold her tongue as ONCE AGAIN, she is on your turf, and will be reminded of the situation SHE put herself in. If she says something she will look really bad as you’re the host.

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by Inky.
    May 10, 2018 at 10:01 am #206663
    Jay G.
    Participant

    Your sister’s behavior is NOT a sign of guilt, it’s a sign (several in fact) that your sister is a complete total narcissist and there is no amount of trusting, forgiving and making allowances that will cure her.  Your best bet is to be there for your nephew as he will always need a safe place to land that your sister can never provide.   Narcissists do not have relationships, they take victims.  And because this is a personality disorder, there is no cure.  When you try to make them aware of the behavior, only learn the language and skills to become better abusers.  And when you’re a spent, disheveled, used and abused heep on the floor of your apartment with a kid, 3 dogs and 2 cats, she will simply move on to the next unsuspecting victim and do it all over again, (thus the “new” boyfriend that she found within a week).  The best bet for you is to realize that she will never “get it” or become a better person.  Stop being an endless source of income, a place to stay, or reinforcement for her bad behavior.  Set boundaries and hold them firmly.  Otherwise, be prepared to live your future with her that mirrors your past.

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.